#based on personal experience 💕

[foolish-rat]

The idea of a character being gently shushed in a comforting manner while being hurt by the person shushing them is lowkey good whump material

[therentyoupay]

im completely feral over all your jelsa stories!!!!!! do you ever write established relationship jelsa or have any headcanons about what they would be like together in a serious relationship or marriage????

THANK YOU SO MUCH. 😭😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕🙏 thank you thank you nonny for this super sweet ask and this really lovely question and all of your love and support!! 💕💕💕💕💕

i have... never actually written established!relationship (in any fandom), now that i'm thinking about it? that said, i guess i can come up with a quick list of some headcanons, maybe? 😂 i will have to think about this more, but for now, here's a quick drop:

elsa is an early riser; elsa helps jack create more sustainable sleeping patterns and habit formations 😂

when jack gets Impetuous Urges to Do Something Rash and Impractically Spontaneous, elsa will ground jack, reminding him to think before acting. (he occasionally Still Does It, anyway.) elsa knows what she signed up for, lol.

jack loves to play Harmless(!) Pranks, just to watch elsa’s reaction. (he is no longer allowed to sneak up on her after The Incident).

they also quibble over the definition of "harmless" and the specific logistical implications of that; for a while, jack was banned from further pranking, but then he got more creative at showing elsa that pranks could be wholesome and genuine, in which they could both be in on the joke. however, due to elsa's deeply-rooted Need to Excel and her (Not-so)Secret Competitive AF Streak, her retaliation in escalating the Cleverness Prank War quickly resulted in jack's prompt implementation of the Prank-Free Zones and Time Periods. (no, he was not scared.)

elsa, usually reserved, has learned to let her playful side show more often with jack. she might still pretend to be exasperated by his antics, but sometimes it's part of the game (or habit).

elsa sill struggles with opening up emotionally sometimes, but she progressively feels safe enough to share her innermost thoughts and fears. with time, she confides in him more about her worries. she still never likes the idea that jack sees her Imperfect Parts, but at least she can tolerate the discomfort (and, yes, take comfort in it) now

(jack loves elsa's Imperfect Parts, and jack admits that he is Weirdly Proud and Competitively Honored to be one of the only people, even including anna, who gets to see them. he also is strangely Comforted and Validated that elsa is, in fact, not perfect because for a while there, he was pretty freaked out and intimidated by how fancy she is.)

until he realized that no one ever let her actually be a Weirdo before, and once he realizes the Truth of Elsa Also Being a Secret (albeit perhaps more Subdued) Weirdo, the Universe Aligns.

jack listens to elsa's Big Conversations intently, activating varying levels of Serious Mode.

jack is getting better at recognizing the moments when elsa needs him to play and needs him to listen or Give His Opinion or any combination of those things.

jack learns that it's not always about Saying the Right Thing (which he is not very good at, anyway, or so our Serially Unreliable Narrator thinks), but rather being able to read elsa's mood and anticipate what she might need (even if she is not aware of it herself yet).

elsa is meticulous about planning and preparing for special occasions.

elsa likes traditions! jack likes tradition only because elsa likes them, lol, and hey, okay, these are more fun than he thought?? (who knew fun could be organized??!!?)

so he really wants to show (off to) her by pulling off Incredible Planning Feats in her honor, too (they do not go as smoothly, lol).

jack will often go out of his way to spontaneously create something meaningful, a moment or a gift or a gesture, that reminds elsa that he cares. he is big on words of affirmation, gift giving (but like, souvenirs that he collects on adventures like, "i saw this rock and it reminded me of your cousin olaf, we should put it on the window after we paint his face on it"), and acts of service, as well as physical touch and quality time. HE WANTS LOVE. he wants TO BE LOVED. he wants to prove that he is worthy of being loved.

(and elsa has to get him to Chill Out sometimes, remind him that he doesn't have to Do Things For Her/Anyone in order to be deserving of care; he is more than what he provides for other people.)

(jack gets its, and appreciates it, but also, the Urge to Provide and Protect is still strong, even after so much time, and sometimes Old Habits Die Hard.)

i get the sense that he'd be the type to he wake elsa up in the middle of the night to take her on a surprise adventure, or convince her to Do a Fun Thing without any preparation (/warning).

and she would Be Alarmed at the Lack of Plan (especially if/when jack Did Not Think This Through), but he also took precautions to ward off Concerns by pacifying her with tea, or reassurances that yes, he did call ahead to make sure the restaurant was open before they left the house, of course he did, he would never just leave home without double-checking beforehand (and frantically googles it two minutes later when he thinks she's not looking; she is, naturally, and even occasionally pretends not to be).

elsa approaches conflict with a desire to resolve things Calmly and Logically. she tries to understand jack’s perspective, even when she disagrees, and she’s careful with her words, not wanting to escalate the situation.

however, she can sometimes withdraw emotionally, fearing that she might say something hurtful if she’s too overwhelmed.

jack was initially (and, honestly, still is, even though he understands more now) hurt by her tendency to shut down when she Feels Too Much, and understands (although it's still hard) that elsa needs time to process her feelings and organize her thoughts.

jack also helps elsa actually Feel her Feelings, instead of just trying to intellectualize and analyze them. (she hates it, BUT sees the value. jack lives for these moments in which he realizes that he's actually contributing positively to her life and helping her in some way, rather than just being a burden or a nuisance, as was/is his fear.)

his initial reaction might be to push for a resolution quickly, but he’s also deeply afraid of Creating Distance between them, so after the first few fights, he really makes an effort to find the right balance between Pushing Hard Enough and Not Pushing Too hard, so that he doesn't drive a wedge between them as they work things out.

jack FEELS intensely, and can be so stubborn. he does not always have the most precise vocabulary or tools to describe his thoughts and feelings, or identify the root causes of what is actually going on inside him; sometimes elsa asks a lot of insightful and guiding questions that help jack come to the conclusions himself, and other times, she Puts Into Words the very thing that he had been thinking or feeling, but could not name, and it is very reassuring to have someone who understands him well enough to be able to do that.

after conflicts or arguments, they take time to Decompress and reassure one another (especially if at least one of them, if not both, was Overthinking again).

when they argue (and healthy couples do, remember!), it’s a dance of patience and understanding: elsa might need a moment to Collect Herself, and jack learns to give her that Space while also making it clear that he’s ready to talk whenever she is, and that he is going to try very hard to be Rational and Patient About It.

in the end, they both prioritize their relationship over any disagreement, always finding a way back to each other.

[hourslikeminutes]

there is no mention of sexuality on your blog so…… are women allowed to dm you 🫣 asking for a friend

yes omg ofc <3

[marsprincess889]

Yoni animal observations

I did something similar with nakshatras. This is them in a very simple way. This is based on traditional associations as well as my own observations of real life and art. 💕 The word "yoni", as well as meaning the female reproductive organ, also means "origin". Yoni animal represents the instinct of the nakshatra and ultimately, reveals its true core nature.

Also, disclaimer: it's very sad that I have to say this, and apologies if you're not one of those people, but if you're going to correct anything in this post by writing one or more long paragraphs of why you think I'm wrong, you might as well just start your own blog or make your own post about the subject. I've been observing yoni animals for years and I'm kind of sorry if any of this offends you, but I'm not trying to attack anyone personally, or even a specific placement (nakshatras in this case), cause that's just dumb. Of course, everyone is free to express their opinions but please do it politely and have some respect for the person who took their time to gain and share knowledge. It's very easy to correct others, it's very hard to be faultless yourself. So, factual corrections are always welcome(say someone got someone's chart placement wrong, or they have written a factually incorrect association, like if they were to write that Jyeshta is fierce as opposed to sharp/cruel in nature.), but, once again, everyone's view is different and so either respect mine or don't write anything at all.

With that being said, you can now enjoy this post💕

Horse yonis

Ashwini and Shatabhisha

Keywords: activity, simplicity, masculinity(solar/yang), independence, healing.

Straightforward people. They might tend to have black and white thinking, can be very blunt with their delivery and definitely prone to "deafness": not hearing others' views. Simple and utilitarian, goal-oriented. Their presence might not be really noticed until the moment they suddenly speak up about or act on something. Love to point stuff out. Either quiet or very precise while speaking. Not aggressive but can be combative. Most likely will oppose someone before making peace. Independence>sharing. Don't like anything "unnecessary", love to get to the point.

Elephant yonis

Bharani and Revati

Keywords: slow, authority, time, timelessness, strength, transitions, protection, completion, gentleness, complexity, depth.

Not revealing their innermost selves, only revealing it to a select group of people, if to anyone. They attach meaning to things based on their experiences. Protective and gentle with each other, closed off to most of the others. Very private. Not really concerned with trends. Observant but not quick to act. Can have many sides to them that some others might fail to understand. Have an air of wisdom, but not that of arrogance. Still, they are the most likely to knowingly take the high road but still protect their peace, making them very exclusive, although it's never for show. Defensive but quietly so. Accomodating to some degree on the outside, there's always more to them than what's obvious. See the bigger picture in every situation. They have a certain quiet strength and power. Nurture is important to them. Do not appreciate unnecessary aggression and try to dominate over anything they consider harsh/crude.

Sheep yonis

Krittika and Pushya

Keywords: precision, structure, minimalism, choosiness, contained.

Do not like excess in anything. They have a sense of balance, usually in almost everything. Prioritize sctructure and basics/essentials. Like clarity and clear-cut lines in their lives and around them. Can be snappy, but in a passive-aggressive way. Not harsh in a heavy/overwhelming way but still harsh about details. Have a soft demeanor with strangers and acquaintances, sometimes even people close to them in everyday life but can judge them quietly. Neutral to friendly on the outside, but if they have uncomfortable emotions they try hard to release them quietly/without much fuss. Might bottle up resentment in result. Very utilitarian and practical.

Snake yonis

Rohini and Mrigashira

Keywords: enjoyment, ease, materialism, basic awareness, growth, progress, sensory indulgence, instincts.

Very placid and calm. They focus mainly on material things but can live without luxuries, and can also share them, although privacy is very important to them. Very aware of their surroundings and their own presence. Attuned to their senses. Can get easily attached to people and things. Can exhibit selfish tendencies(or that's how it looks to others) when they feel like their desires are ignored, but Rohini and Mrigashira each do it differently.

Dog yonis

Ardra and Mula

Keywords: upheaval, critical point, rebelling, release, change, anchoring.

Tense but not frail. Might look tortured sometimes. Do not like to and probably even cannot focus on details, at least not how it's traditionally done(different to each situation). Like to display their individuality in one way or another. Dark humor or sassy comebacks. Either quiet or very loud, but either way, opinionated. If they're neutral then they're opinionated about being neutral. Can be kind of nihilistic but at peace with it. Contrarian and unapologetic. If they don't care about something you can't make them care. If they do care, they care intensely.

Cat yonis

Punarvasu and Ashlesha

Keywords: accumulation, buildup, purity, safety, protection, preservation, cycles.

Concerned with what influences them, not so much what they put out. Self-focused but also highly aware of others' needs. Can adapt to surroundings and can change their behavior based on what they need or really want. Not unkind but laser-focused on the boundaries. Always keep their cards close to their chest, not out of malice but simply to preserve their safety. Look more unnaproachable than they really are, and know more than they share with most.

Rat yonis

Magha and Purva Phalguni

Keywords: dispersion, creativity, planting seeds, the self.

Can be egocentric. Prideful and nonchalant. Love to show off. Might be aware of surroundings to some degree but even if they are, they rarely care. Getting what they want is the priority, along with self-expression. Not very moralistic, don't care much about labels. Sometimes they can be too detached. Will almost never catch them crying in front of others, although they can be dramatic if they want and can, without a problem, attract their dwsired attention. Their happiness is more warm and generous than loud and euphoric. Might have a poker face, they rarely show strong emotions. The strongest emotion I've seen them express is that of defensiveness, and that's not even an emotion. When they get defensive it's almost always because something has touched their pride or triggered their ego. Focused on what they can do.

Cow yonis

Uttara Phalguni and Uttara Bhadrapada

Keywords: stability, the long-term results, natural, softness, power/influence, unity, calm.

Stubborn. That's the only defense they have, because otherwise they're very soft. Naturally honest. They have an effortlessness about them that feels easy to be around, and they are pleasant to be around but not accepting of everyone. They avoid people they don't like from early on and stick to the ones they consider better. Not hesitant to defend themselves or people close to them, but not quick to waste that energy on just anyone, and when they do become defensive they still maintain "the high ground". Backing their allies and fighting proudly is natural for them. Again, very stubborn, so they rarely, if ever, give up on something important. Although they're tough, they're not sharp or cruel. They are mostly in a state calmness and assuredness rather than anxious defensiveness. Very fixed and comfortable in their ways.

Buffalo yonis

Hasta and Swati

Keywords: materialism, gain, comfort, strength, feminine(yin), ease.

More attached to material things than other yonis. Individuality is defined through connections and surroundings. Love comfort and ease. Interdependence>independence. Can be curiously neutral and accomodating. Self-focused but not selfish. Often phlegmatic and slow. Genuinely caring but can be cunning. Not the most direct people. They will let others know their views but won't push them aggressively on others. Almost everything about them is filtered through that neutrality.

Tiger yonis

Chitra and Vishakha

Keywords: building, gradual, defensive, expression, buildup.

The most defensive. Can look sweet on the outside but are not all soft. Can range from extremely forgiving to extremely vengeful. Aggression comes out while speaking. Rarely, if ever, present in a state of calm melancholy. They moreso go from happy/fun to agitated. Focused on development/building, and always look for more than what's natural for them. Witty but emotionally so. If they're highly agitated, it's very hard for them to exercise restraint in the moment. Not that direct in general but unfiltered during critical moments. It's easy for them to put on a mask, whether out of neccessity or just for fun. Can be very judgemental. If they're not aware, it can make them act in a "mean" way when they feel not their best.

Rabbit/Deer yonis

Anuradha and Jyeshta

Keywords: society, organization, status quo, responsibility, transpersonal, maturing.

Very non-aggressive on the inside, despite how they might look. Naturally have endurance and a sense of responsibility. Can be judgemental but also understanding. Love to give advice. Competitive but respectful. Can become arrogant. Love everything "classic" but want to establish their own, new structures. Choosy and sometimes exclusive. More warm than they appear, and capable of more emotions than how it seems. Often traditionally intelligent. Have a very civilized behavior.

Vanar yonis

Purva Ashadha and Shravana

Keywords: flow, alliances, connections, support, creation and preservation.

Good at reading between the lines, anything too structured is harsh for them. Otherworldly aura/mannerisms. Most likely to posses what others might consider as "quirks". Value their own individuality and uniqueness. Seeks to be different from what they consider boring, normal or basic. Not very reactive. When they get defensive, they get quiet. Can romatisize sadness and melancholy. Capable of seeing both sides but are often willingly biased.

Mongoose yoni

Uttara Ashadha

Keywords: independence, solitude, practicality, victory.

Truly neutral and unbothered. Value honesty and integrity. Not attached to material things at all. Easy to be around but their regal nature might put some people ill at ease. Naturally take on leadership positions. Might feel lonely but won't trade solitude for tiring/uninteresting company. Value practicality and simplicity, and are practical themselves. Surprsingly warm and feeling in certain moments, but can also be uncaring towards others.

Lion yonis

Dhanishta and Purva Bhadrapada

Keywords: notoriety, flashiness, power, aggression, pride.

Very unfiltered and loudly so. Unashamed and bold, proud. That pride and confidence fuels their calmness, but they can lack patience. In everyday interactions they can look very unreactive but if something "triggers" them, they will not hesitate to be a little(or not so little) aggressive. Love to spread their influence. Might strongly dislike anything that looks subtle and quiet to them, as it arises distrust in them. Rarely, if ever, use/appreciate sarcasm. They prefer directness. Can slip into being a bully, or can become a proud voice for others.

[theonottsbxtch]

hiiii i loved ur CL fics sm I was wondering if you could write angst of LN inspired by the song Casual by chappel roan?😭 feel free to ignore this req though!!💕 love u

CASUAL | LN4

an: this is TOTALLY not based off personal experience and TOTALLY didn't make me cry writing it, i poured two years worth of bullshit into this i hope you enjoy it. one of these scenes actually happened try and guess which one AND TO MAKE IT WORST I WAS THE JOURNALIST AND HE WAS THE SPORTS PLAYER ANYWAY

wc: 10.2k

Present Time

The city lights blurred through the rain-streaked window of the sleek black cab, each droplet a reminder of how tonight had unravelled into something far too complicated. She sat back against the worn leather seat, her fingers unconsciously tapping the small notebook resting in her lap. She hadn’t written a word.

She shouldn’t have agreed to this interview. That much was clear now. But when her editor had mentioned his name, her chest had tightened. It had been a year—no, closer to two—since the last time she’d seen him in person. But when you cover Formula 1, you don’t escape the shadow of Lando Norris for long. Especially this season. And here she was, his shadow pulling her back in, as if those tangled months had never happened.

The cab slowed, pulling up to a luxury hotel that had never seemed like Lando’s style—until it did. The polished, impersonal grandeur, the kind that screamed you were too famous, too fast to belong anywhere at all. The driver mumbled something about rain, but she barely heard him. She was too busy staring at the figure that had just appeared through the entrance. Tall, broad-shouldered, and effortlessly leaning against a pillar, Lando’s expression was hard to read, even from here. His trademark black leather jacket hung off him like a second skin. She remembered that jacket. She remembered far too much.

He spotted her through the rain, those piercing green eyes locking onto hers with the same intensity that had once sent her world spinning. For a moment, time seemed to slip backward, to late nights and whispered arguments, to hotel rooms where neither of them had belonged.

She swallowed hard and pushed the car door open. She wasn’t here for that. This was just work now. An interview, a piece for tomorrow’s newspaper. Nothing more. Lando had made it clear a long time ago that they were nothing more.

She stepped out into the rain, the cool drops on her skin grounding her just enough. Lando didn’t move, but his gaze followed her like a predator’s, waiting to strike.

"Long time no see," he called out as she approached, his voice low and edged with something she couldn’t quite place. 

She flinched at his voice, directed towards her. Like it had all been some fleeting game, some disposable moment. The thing was, she had been the one who’d tried to keep it light, who’d pretended she didn’t care. But Lando had always seen through her. And now, she wondered if he could still see what a mess she was beneath the practised professionalism.

"Yeah," she forced a tight smile, trying to pretend that his voice didn’t sting. "Just work, Lando. Let’s keep it that way."

He raised an eyebrow, a smirk curling the corner of his lips. “If you say so.” He said it like a challenge, like they both knew this wasn’t just a story for either of them.

She held her breath, her heart pounding far too hard for someone who had promised herself she was over this. Over him.

But deep down, she already knew the truth: there was nothing casual about Lando Norris. There never had been.

Two Years Ago

It had been a suffocatingly hot afternoon at the Austin Grand Prix. The sun hung heavy in the sky, the smell of burning rubber thick in the air as engines roared, and tension crackled around the circuit. But none of that had mattered when she was with Lando.

Just minutes before, she’d been in his driver’s room, his body tangled with hers, skin still warm from the way their desperation had collided. It had been fast, rough—like all the moments they’d stolen in between races. And for a fleeting second, she had believed that maybe this time was different. Maybe this time, he’d let her in.

But as she stepped into the paddock, adjusting her shirt and fixing her hair, she heard his voice, sharp and careless, coming from around the corner. She should have walked away. But curiosity, or maybe the sick need to hear, pulled her closer.

"I don't know, man," Lando’s laugh broke through the air like glass. "It’s casual. She’s just another girl. You know how it is."

She froze, her breath catching in her throat. She pressed herself against the wall, just out of sight, the words slicing through her. Just another girl.

She heard the other driver—was it Pierre? Or maybe Charles—murmur something back, his voice muffled, like it didn’t matter. Nothing anyone else said mattered after that.

All she could focus on was Lando. The way he spoke about her as if the last hour hadn’t happened. As if they hadn’t just been in his room, their bodies and hearts closer than they had ever dared admit out loud.

Her stomach twisted violently, shame and anger rising in her chest. How could he act like that? Like none of it meant anything? Like she didn’t mean anything?

She pushed herself off the wall, her heart hammering. She had to leave, get out of here before the flood of emotions swallowed her whole. But just as she turned the corner, she came face-to-face with someone who could unravel her even more.

Lando’s mother, Cisca Norris, stood in front of her, a soft smile breaking across her face the second she saw her .

“Darling, it’s been too long,” Cisca’s voice was warm, so achingly kind, as she pulled her into an embrace.

She wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted to run, but instead, she wrapped her arms around Cisca and tried not to let the tears fall. Cisca held her like she was more than just another journalist, more than just another girl passing through Lando’s life. The woman had always been good to her, always treated her with affection that felt too close to motherly.

She couldn’t break now. Not in front of Cisca.

“Yeah, it has,” she managed, her voice thin as she pulled back and forced a smile. Her chest was burning, her throat tight. Cisca’s eyes searched her face with that kind of intuition only mothers had. She must’ve known something was wrong, but she didn’t ask.

“You should come by later,” Cisca continued, still holding her hands in hers. “Dinner with the family. It’ll be nice.”

She nodded, her vision blurring as she made some excuse, something about needing to finish a story. Cisca finally released her, her touch lingering as if she could sense the storm brewing inside her.

The second Cisca was gone, her composure cracked. She made her way to the bathroom, her legs unsteady as the pain crashed over her in waves. She locked herself in a stall, her back pressed against the cold tile wall, and finally let out the breath she had been holding.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to erase the image of Lando’s smirk, the sound of his voice when he had so casually discarded her like she was nothing.

She had always known it couldn’t last, that Lando wasn’t the kind of man to settle down, least of all with someone like her. But hearing it like that—hearing him reduce everything they had been to something so meaningless—tore something inside her she hadn’t even known was fragile.

She thought of Cisca, of the warmth in her embrace, and it only made the ache worse. There was no pretending now, no saving face. The line between Lando’s world and her own was more jagged than ever. She didn’t belong, not here, not with him.

She had barely pieced herself together by the time she left the bathroom stall. Her reflection in the mirror looked foreign, hollow-eyed and shaky, her hands gripping the counter as if the world beneath her feet might give way. But she didn’t have time to fall apart. Not here. Not now.

The media pen was bustling with the usual post-qualifying chaos—drivers weaving between journalists, cameras pointed in every direction, reporters asking the same rehearsed questions. She’d done this a hundred times, and today should have been no different. But today, every movement felt like it was being held together by string, and she was one breath away from snapping.

As soon as she arrived, her producer, Mark, waved her over, holding up the microphone with a nod. She forced a smile, plastering on the face she always wore when the cameras were rolling. She could do this. She had to do this.

Lando was already there, standing with a few other journalists, casually leaning against the fence like he hadn’t just torn her heart in half an hour ago. He looked almost too relaxed, that signature smirk playing on his lips. When his eyes met hers, something in them flickered—like he knew. Like he could see how fragile she was, and he wasn’t about to make it any easier.

"Hey," Lando drawled as she approached, his voice low and smooth. He flashed her a grin, the one that used to make her stomach flip. Now, it only twisted the knife.

She kept her face neutral, gripping the microphone a little tighter. "Lando," she said, her voice steady despite the storm brewing inside. "You had a solid qualifying. What are your thoughts heading into tomorrow’s race?"

He tilted his head, his gaze never leaving hers. "Oh, you know," he said, his tone almost playful. "Feeling good. Always do when I’ve got the right motivation." He winked, just subtle enough that the cameras wouldn’t pick it up, but she caught it. And she hated that her heart still skipped at the sight.

She fought to keep her composure, swallowing hard as she moved on to the next question, doing her best to keep it professional. But every answer Lando gave was laced with innuendo, his eyes lingering on her in ways that felt too personal. Too raw. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him to stop playing games, to stop acting like everything between them was fine when she was barely holding it together.

"Alright, thanks for your time," she said, ending the interview with a tight smile as the camera finally cut. Her hand was shaking, the adrenaline rushing through her veins like fire. She needed to get out of here. Fast.

But before she could move, Lando stepped closer, his breath warm against her ear. "Sweetheart," he murmured, his voice so quiet no one else could hear. "I'll meet you at the hotel later?"

She stiffened, her entire body tensing. She turned to look at him, her eyes wide, disbelief flooding her chest. How could he be so casual, so careless? Did he really think she’d just meet him after what she overheard? After the way he’d reduced her to nothing?

Lando’s fingers brushed against hers, and for a split second, he took her hand, bringing it to his lips. The touch sent a jolt of electricity through her, just like it always did. He kissed her hand gently, like nothing had changed. Like he hadn’t just broken her in two.

She yanked her hand away, her breath catching as the pain clawed at her chest. She couldn't do this. Not again. She forced a small, tight-lipped smile, nodding as if she was agreeing, but inside, her heart was shattering all over again.

"I’ve got to—" she started, her voice cracking slightly as she turned back to Mark, her producer. "I need to go. Tell them I’ll be back later."

Mark frowned, concerned. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I’m fine," she lied, her throat tightening as she backed away, already feeling the tears pressing against her eyes. "Just… something came up."

Without waiting for his reply, she slipped through the crowd, moving faster now, desperate to get out of the media pen, away from the cameras, away from him. She barely made it around the corner before the sob hit her, choking her breath, her chest heaving as she pressed her back against the wall, her hands trembling.

She couldn’t hold it in anymore. The tears spilled over, hot and heavy, her body shaking as she gasped for air. How could he do this to her? How could he look at her like that, touch her like that, after treating her like she meant nothing?

She tried to steady herself, wiping furiously at her face, but the more she tried to hold it together, the more everything crumbled.

"Is that you?" A familiar voice cut through the fog, and she looked up, blinking through her tears to see Oscar standing just a few feet away. His brow furrowed in concern, his normally playful demeanour replaced by something much more serious.

"Oscar," she croaked, her voice barely a whisper. She tried to pull herself together, to stand up straighter, but it was no use. The floodgates had opened, and there was no stopping it now.

He stepped closer, his expression softening as he realised what was happening. "Hey, hey, it’s okay," Oscar said gently, his hand resting on her shoulder. "Come on, let’s get you out of here."

She shook her head, embarrassed, ashamed that anyone had to see her like this. "I’m fine, I just—"

"You’re not fine," Oscar cut her off, his voice kind but firm. "Let’s get you somewhere quiet, okay? You don’t have to pretend with me."

She nodded, her vision still blurred with tears as Oscar guided her away from the chaos of the paddock, his arm around her shoulders, his presence steady and warm. She didn’t have the strength to protest, not now.

For once, she didn’t have to hold it all together. And maybe, just for a moment, that was enough.

Oscar’s arm was strong around her shoulders, a steadying force as he led her away from the paddock, away from the media pen, and away from the chaos of her unravelling thoughts. She didn’t resist, couldn’t find the energy to argue, not with the weight of everything crashing down around her. She was barely holding herself together, her body trembling, her breath hitching with every step.

They walked in silence through the back corridors of the paddock, Oscar casting glances at her every few moments, his brow furrowed with concern but not pushing her to speak. When they reached the quiet of his driver’s room, he opened the door without a word, guiding her inside gently.

She wiped at her face again, trying to compose herself, but the tears wouldn’t stop. She felt exposed, like her heart was laid bare for anyone to see, and the shame of it was almost as painful as the heartbreak itself.

“Sit down,” Oscar said softly, leading her to the small couch in the corner of the room. “You don’t have to talk. Just breathe, okay?”

She nodded, sinking into the couch, her hands still trembling in her lap. Oscar crouched down in front of her, his gaze soft and full of something like understanding.

Before either of them could speak, the door to the room opened again, and she looked up to see Oscar’s girlfriend, Lily, stepping inside. Her eyes widened as she took in the scene—her  tear-streaked face, Oscar’s protective stance—and immediately crossed the room to join them.

“Oh, sweetheart…” Lily’s voice was full of sympathy as she sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "What happened?"

She shook her head, her throat tightening, unable to form the words. She didn’t want to say it out loud. Didn’t want to admit that Lando still had this kind of power over her.

Lily didn’t press her, just held her closer, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”

Oscar sat beside them now, his gaze serious as he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “Lando?” he asked quietly, and her silence was enough of an answer.

She sniffed, trying to hold back another sob, but the pain was too sharp, too fresh. She’d overheard Lando brush her off like she was nothing. And then he had the audacity to act like everything was fine, like they could just pick up where they left off—like it didn’t matter that she was breaking.

Lily exchanged a look with Oscar, her eyes narrowing in frustration. “Darling,” she said gently, turning toward her, “you can’t keep doing this to yourself. He’s… he’s not good for you.”

She swallowed hard, blinking back fresh tears. “I know,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

But knowing didn’t make it any easier. Knowing didn’t stop her heart from racing every time she saw him, didn’t stop the ache she felt when he touched her, when he looked at her with that smug confidence that twisted her insides. She had told herself so many times that she needed to stop. But every time she tried to pull away, she got sucked back in—into the whirlwind that was Lando Norris.

Oscar sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “He’s using you, mate. You deserve better than this. Better than him.”

She flinched at the words. She had thought, once, that Lando could be more than what everyone said he was. She had thought, in those stolen moments between races, when it was just the two of them, that he felt something for her, too. But she couldn’t ignore it any longer. He didn’t. Not the way she wanted him to.

Lily squeezed her hand gently. “You need to end it,” she said softly but firmly. “For good. Before he hurts you any more than he already has.”

She knew they were right. Oscar and Lily had always been kind to her, more like family than colleagues. They had seen it from the outside—the way Lando toyed with her emotions, the way he pulled her close only to push her away when it suited him.

She inhaled shakily, her heart still aching, but there was a flicker of something else now. A quiet, growing resolve. She couldn’t keep letting Lando tear her apart, not like this. She couldn’t keep waiting for him to change, for him to see her the way she wanted to be seen.

“He’s not worth this,” Oscar added, his voice gentle but firm. “I know he’s my teammate but you deserve someone who’s actually going to be there for you. Not someone who makes you feel like you have to hide how much you care.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, letting their words sink in. She knew they were right. She had known for a long time, but it was easier to lie to herself, to believe that maybe, just maybe, this time would be different. That Lando would show up for her, the way she had always shown up for him.

Lily’s arm tightened around her shoulders, her voice soft but steady. “Darling, you don’t have to do this alone. We’ve got you.”

She nodded, her throat tightening again, but this time it wasn’t from the heartbreak. It was from the quiet understanding, the sense that maybe, for the first time in a long while, she wasn’t as alone as she had felt.

She sat there for a while, letting Lily and Oscar’s presence anchor her. They didn’t push her to talk more, didn’t force her to explain everything. They just let her breathe, let her fall apart without judgement.

And for a moment, she felt the weight on her chest lift just enough to see things clearly.

She knew she shouldn’t go meet him in that hotel room. She knew it had to end. For good.

But she went back.

She went back to the hotel room, even though every part of her knew she shouldn’t. She told herself she was just going to tell him it was over, that she couldn’t do this anymore. She told herself that she wasn’t going to let him pull her back in.

But the second she walked through the door and saw Lando standing there, leaning casually against the desk with that damn smile—like he’d been waiting for her, like she was exactly what he wanted—her resolve crumbled.

“Hey, you,” he said softly, his voice warm in that way it always was when they were alone. He pushed off the desk and crossed the room in a few easy strides, pulling her into his arms before she could even think about saying no. “Missed you.”

She froze for a moment, her body tense in his arms. She wanted to believe him, wanted to sink into the comfort of his touch. But her mind was screaming at her to remember, to think of what she had overheard in the paddock. She’s just another girl. His voice echoed in her head, sharp and cruel, even as he held her close now, as if she was anything but.

“I thought about you all day,” Lando murmured against her hair, his lips brushing her forehead. His hands slid down her back, pulling her closer, and she couldn’t help but shiver under his touch. He had always known how to touch her, how to make her forget everything else.

She wished it was enough.

He tilted her chin up, his green eyes searching hers, and for a second, she saw something there—something real, something that made her heart ache with the hope that maybe, just maybe, he meant it this time.

But then the words he’d said to his mates resurfaced, slicing through her like a knife. It’s casual. She’s just another girl.

Her throat tightened, but she forced a small smile. She had come this far, hadn’t she? Why couldn’t she just leave now?

Because you want him to care, a voice in her head whispered. You want to believe he’s different when it’s just the two of you.

Lando pressed his lips to hers, slow and sweet, like he wasn’t in a hurry, like he could take all the time in the world with her. And for a moment, she kissed him back, letting herself get lost in it, letting herself pretend that maybe the things he said didn’t matter. That maybe this was the real Lando—the one who held her close, the one who kissed her like she was the only thing that mattered.

But the more he kissed her, the harder it was to silence the voice in her head. The harder it was to ignore the truth that was gnawing at her.

You’re just another girl. It’s casual.

His hands slid under her shirt, fingers tracing soft patterns on her skin, and she shivered again, but this time it wasn’t just from his touch. She couldn’t stop thinking about how he had reduced her to nothing more than a fleeting moment in his life, something disposable. It didn’t matter how tender he was being now. It didn’t matter how much she wanted to believe that this was something real.

“Lando,” she whispered, pulling back slightly, her chest tightening. She didn’t know what she was going to say, but she knew she needed to say something—anything—to stop herself from falling deeper.

He smiled at her, that lazy, cocky grin that always made her knees weak. “What is it, baby?” he asked, his hands never leaving her, like he couldn’t bear the distance between them for even a second.

She wanted to ask him. She wanted to confront him, to make him explain why he could hold her like this but talk about her like she was nothing when she wasn’t around. But the words stuck in her throat, too heavy, too painful.

Instead, she let out a shaky breath and shook her head. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

Lando’s gaze lingered on her for a moment, like he was trying to read her, but then he kissed her again, deeper this time, and any chance she had of stopping this slipped away. His hands slid down to her hips, pulling her flush against him, his breath hot against her neck as his lips moved lower, kissing along her jaw, her collarbone.

And for a second, she let herself get lost in it, let herself drown in the sensation of his touch, the way his hands felt on her skin, the way he knew exactly where to kiss her to make her forget everything else.

But the words kept creeping back in, no matter how hard she tried to push them away.

Just another girl.

Lando’s hands were working their way under her shirt, his fingers brushing the bare skin of her waist, and her heart pounded in her chest, but not in the way it used to. Now, it was pounding with fear, with the knowledge that this would never be enough.

He was whispering something against her skin, something low and sweet, but she couldn’t hear it over the roar of her own thoughts. She felt his hands tugging at the hem of her shirt, and she let him pull it over her head, let him kiss her again, harder this time, like he couldn’t get enough of her.

But she wasn’t really there. Not fully.

In her mind, she was back in the paddock, hearing his laugh, hearing him reduce her to nothing. The way he talked to his friends—so casual, so careless.

Her body responded to him, the way it always did, but her mind was miles away. She was too distracted, too hurt to fully give herself to him the way she always had before. She wanted to be here, wanted to feel that connection again, but it wasn’t working. Not this time.

Lando didn’t notice. He never noticed when she was pulling away, not really. He was too focused on what he wanted, too caught up in the moment to see the cracks forming in her resolve.

As he pushed her back onto the bed, his lips trailing down her stomach, her heart twisted painfully. She should stop this. She should say something. But she didn’t.

Because as much as she hated it, as much as it hurt, part of her still wanted to believe in the version of Lando that was in front of her right now. The version that kissed her like she was the only girl in the world.

Even if she knew it was a lie.

The hours passed in a blur, a mixture of whispered words, shared breaths, and touches that felt both familiar and distant at the same time. She lay beside Lando afterward, her body nestled against his, her head resting on his chest as his arm wrapped lazily around her. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, like this was where she belonged. Like nothing outside this room mattered.

But it did.

The silence between them felt heavier now, thick with unspoken truths and the weight of everything she wasn’t letting herself say. She listened to the steady rhythm of Lando’s heartbeat under her ear, trying to ground herself in the moment, trying to make it feel real. But her mind kept drifting back to his words—just another girl—and no matter how close he held her, it felt like he was slipping further and further away.

For a moment, it almost felt peaceful, lying there in the quiet of the hotel room, their legs tangled together under the sheets. Lando’s fingers traced absent-minded patterns on her arm, like it was second nature to him now. She wanted to hold onto that feeling, wanted to believe that this, at least, was real.

But then his phone buzzed on the nightstand, cutting through the stillness.

Lando sighed softly, shifting beside her as he reached for it. She felt the absence of his warmth immediately, and the hollow ache in her chest returned.

He glanced at the screen, his thumb swiping across it before he answered. "Hey, mate," he said, his voice low, casual. Like the moment they’d just shared didn’t change anything, like nothing had shifted.

She stared up at the ceiling, her breath catching in her throat as she listened to the one-sided conversation.

“Yeah, I’m at the hotel,” Lando continued, his tone easy, unconcerned. “What’s up?”

There was a pause, and she felt Lando shift again, his hand brushing absently against her bare skin of her hip as if he wasn’t even fully aware of her presence anymore.

"Alright, yeah," he said after a moment. "I’ll come down in a bit. Dinner sounds good." He laughed softly, the sound sending another pang through her chest. "Tell Max not to leave without me."

When he hung up, Lando turned his head to look at her, flashing her that easy, crooked smile. "That was the guys," he said, already starting to untangle himself from the sheets. "We’re heading out for dinner."

She forced a small smile, trying to keep her voice steady. "Right. Yeah. Sounds fun."

Lando leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before climbing out of bed. He moved with the same casual confidence he always did, completely unaware of the storm raging inside her.

"I won’t be long," he said as he pulled on his shirt. "Maybe I’ll bring you something back."

She just nodded, unable to find the words. She watched him button his jeans, the same knot of confusion and hurt tightening in her chest. How could he act like everything was so simple? Like she was just… there, waiting for him whenever he decided to come back.

Lando tossed a quick grin her way as he grabbed his jacket from the chair. "I’ll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "See you later."

And just like that, he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him. The room felt so much bigger without him in it, the space beside her cold and empty. She stayed there for a moment, staring up at the ceiling, her thoughts spinning, trying to make sense of everything. But the more she tried to piece it together, the more it felt like everything was unravelling.

The sound of her phone vibrating on the nightstand snapped her out of her thoughts. She glanced over, her heart skipping a beat when she saw the name flash on the screen: Cisca Norris.

She hesitated for a moment before swiping open the message.

Hey, darling! We’re heading out for a little shopping trip tomorrow. Just me and Flo. Thought it might be fun to have some girl time—want to join us? xx

Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes stinging as she read the message. Cisca had always been so warm, so welcoming, treating her like she was part of the family. She had this way of making her feel like she belonged, like there was a place for her in Lando’s world.

But it only made everything harder now.

She could still hear Lando’s voice in her head, so clear, so dismissive. It’s casual. She’s just another girl.

Her hands trembled as she typed out a response, her fingers shaky on the keys.

Thanks, but I don’t think I can tomorrow. Hope you all have fun though xx

She hit send before she could change her mind, before she could give in to the crushing weight of guilt pressing down on her chest. She knew Cisca didn’t mean to make it harder, didn’t know what was really going on, but it felt like a cruel reminder of everything she wasn’t—a real part of his life. She was just someone he kept in the shadows, someone he could pretend to care about when it was convenient.

The tears came before she could stop them, hot and relentless, blurring her vision as she lay there, staring up at the ceiling. She’d tried so hard to hold it together, to convince herself that maybe, just maybe, things would be different this time. But it wasn’t different. It was the same as it always was.

Lando would leave, and she would be left behind.

She lay there, her body still against the cool sheets, the emptiness of the room pressing in on her. The tears wouldn’t stop. They spilled down her cheeks in silent waves, and for the first time in a long while, she didn’t even try to hold them back. The room felt too quiet without Lando’s presence, without the pretence of connection he so easily crafted when it suited him.

Her phone buzzed again, a small ping echoing in the quiet. She didn’t want to look, didn’t want to face any more reminders of what she couldn’t have. But her gaze drifted toward it, her blurry vision focusing on the screen as a new message from Cisca popped up.

That’s a shame, sweetheart. Maybe next time? You’re always welcome with us. Big hugs xx

The kindness in the message felt like a punch to her gut. You’re always welcome. But how could she ever feel welcome in a world where Lando could say one thing to her face and another behind her back? How could she fit into the life of someone who treated her like she was disposable—like she was nothing special?

She clutched her phone in her hands, her knuckles white, as her tears continued to fall. Her mind replayed the moment in the paddock, hearing Lando laugh, hearing him reduce her to just another girl, nothing more than a casual fling. And yet, here she was—back in his hotel room, back in his bed—still hoping that maybe he would see her, really see her, the way she saw him.

Her chest tightened painfully as she stared up at the ceiling, the dull ache spreading through her like poison. She had tried so hard to be strong, to keep her distance, to protect herself from this exact feeling. But it was like Lando had a hold on her, one she couldn’t break no matter how much she knew she should.

She wiped at her face, trying to steady her breathing, but the sobs kept coming. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way Cisca treated her like family, like someone who belonged in their tight-knit circle. It was so different from how Lando treated her—warm and genuine. It made it worse, somehow, knowing that his family liked her, that they welcomed her, while he just kept her at arm’s length. It hurt in ways she hadn’t expected.

She curled up on her side, pulling the sheets tighter around her, as if they could shield her from the truth. She had been waiting for a moment like this, where Lando would be kind, where he would hold her, and she would feel safe. But no matter how close they were, she always felt that distance. He’d given her his body, sure, but nothing else. And she’d given him everything, every piece of herself, only to be left empty.

She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth, trying to muffle the sobs that were choking her. Her body shook with the force of it all, the heartbreak, the shame, the overwhelming feeling of being used and discarded. She had always been so careful in her life, always kept her guard up, but Lando had slipped past her defences with such ease.

The minutes ticked by, the silence of the hotel room swallowing her whole. She stared at the ceiling, the tears finally slowing but leaving a hollow ache in their wake. Lando would be downstairs by now, laughing with his mates, carefree, as if none of this mattered. As if she didn’t matter.

Her phone buzzed again, and she flinched, afraid it might be him—afraid that any text from him would pull her deeper into this pit she was already drowning in. But when she looked, it wasn’t him. It was Lily.

Hey, just checking in. Everything okay? Xx

She swallowed hard, the lump in her throat making it impossible to answer right away. Lily had been so kind to her earlier, so gentle, and part of her wanted to reach out, to tell her the truth, to admit that she had come here even after she knew she shouldn’t.

But how could she explain this? How could she tell Lily that, even after everything, even after Lando had made it clear she didn’t mean anything to him, she had still come back? She had still fallen for his charm, for his soft touches, for his empty words.

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, uncertain of what to say. The shame felt too heavy, too consuming. She didn’t want anyone to know how weak she felt, how much she had let Lando hurt her.

Instead, she typed a short reply.

I’m okay. Thanks for checking in xx

She hit send before she could second-guess herself, the lie sitting heavy in her chest. She wasn’t okay. She hadn’t been okay for a long time.

Another tear slid down her cheek, and she wiped it away quickly, frustrated with herself for still crying over someone like Lando. He wasn’t worth it. He never had been.

But knowing that didn’t make it hurt any less.

The bed felt cold without him, even though she knew his warmth was only temporary. That was the thing with Lando—it was always temporary, always fleeting. And she was tired of pretending it wasn’t.

She pulled her phone closer, her thumb hovering over Lando’s contact. She thought about sending him a message, thought about telling him that this was the last time, that she couldn’t do it anymore. But she knew that he wouldn’t care. He’d smile, maybe say something sweet, and she’d fall right back into his orbit, trapped by the promise of something that would never come.

With a shaky breath, she dropped the phone onto the nightstand, rolling onto her back once again. The tears had stopped, but the ache remained. She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep, to forget, just for a few hours. But she knew that when morning came, the reality would still be there—Lando would still be Lando.

And she couldn’t keep doing this to herself.

She got out of bed and she tried.

She had tried to pack. She really had.

She had grabbed her suitcase, tossed in a few clothes, and told herself that it was over—that this would be the last time she’d let him do this to her.

But then she’d stopped, staring at the half-packed bag, her hands frozen mid-motion. She couldn’t bring herself to finish. The idea of leaving felt like admitting defeat, like walking away from the small, fragile hope she’d been clinging to. The hope that maybe, just maybe, Lando would change.

And so, she had left the suitcase open on the floor, unfinished, just like everything else between them.

The hours dragged by in painful silence. She sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes unfocused as she stared at the door. She should go. She should pick up her things and leave before Lando came back, before he could draw her in again with his soft smiles and casual charm.

But she stayed.

She stayed because part of her wanted him to come back. Wanted him to kiss her, hold her, make her feel like she wasn’t just another girl, like she actually meant something. Even though she knew it was a lie.

Her phone buzzed a few times on the nightstand, but she ignored it. She didn’t want to deal with anyone else right now—didn’t want to answer Lily’s worried texts or face the concern in her friends’ voices. They didn’t understand. They didn’t know what it felt like to be caught between wanting someone and knowing that they would never give you what you needed.

The sound of the door clicking open snapped her out of her thoughts, her heart jumping into her throat. Lando stepped into the room, the faint scent of alcohol and laughter clinging to him as he kicked off his shoes. He looked relaxed, like he’d had a good time, like the night out had done exactly what it was supposed to—take his mind off things.

“Hey, you,” he said with a smile as he spotted her still sitting on the bed. He held up a brown paper bag, a familiar logo stamped on the side. “Brought you something to eat. Thought you might be hungry.”

She stared at him, her stomach twisting at how easy it was for him. A quick thought passed her mind, wondering what he had said to his mates when he brought home some takeaway. He acted like nothing had happened, like everything was fine. She wanted to be angry, wanted to ask him how he could do this—how he could come back here, act so normal, after everything he’d said about her.

But she couldn’t. The anger was there, buried deep inside her, but it was swallowed by the familiar pull of Lando’s presence. She hated how he could disarm her with something as simple as a smile, hated how even now, after everything, part of her wanted to reach out and take the food he’d brought, to thank him, to let herself believe that maybe this was him showing that he cared, in his own way.

“Thanks,” she murmured, her voice hollow.

Lando crossed the room and set the bag on the nightstand before sitting down beside her on the bed. He leaned in, brushing a kiss against her temple, his hand resting on her knee as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Her breath hitched at the contact, her heart betraying her as it fluttered in her chest. She thought of the highs, the way Lando could make her feel so alive, so wanted. She thought of the times when it was just the two of them, when he would hold her and everything else would disappear. Those were the moments that kept her here, that made her stay, even when she knew she shouldn’t.

“You okay?” he asked softly, his voice tinged with just enough concern to make her believe, for a second, that he might actually care.

She forced a smile, nodding even though she felt anything but okay. “Yeah,” she whispered. “I’m fine.”

Lando’s hand slid up her arm, his fingers gentle as they traced her skin. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to her lips, slow and deliberate, as if he was trying to remind her of the connection they shared. And for a moment, she let herself get lost in it. She let herself believe that this was real, that Lando’s touch meant something more than just the physical.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower,” Lando said after a few seconds, pulling away with a lazy grin. “I won’t be long.”

She nodded, watching as he disappeared into the bathroom, the sound of the water starting up a moment later. She stayed where she was, her mind racing. The kiss had been warm, familiar, but it wasn’t enough to chase away the doubts, the pain that had been building inside her all night.

With a sigh, she glanced toward Lando’s phone, which he had tossed carelessly onto the bed before heading into the shower. The screen lit up with a notification, and despite herself, her eyes flicked over to it.

It was a text. From one of Lando’s friends.

You’re staying with her? Has she not got the hint yet?

Her blood turned to ice.

The air seemed to leave the room all at once, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. The message stared back at her, mocking her, confirming everything she had been trying so desperately to ignore.

Has she not got the hint yet?

Her throat tightened, tears welling in her eyes again as the words sank in. Lando’s friend was in on it—on this twisted game Lando was playing. He knew. They all knew. And still, Lando had brought her back here, kissed her like she meant something, only to laugh about it with his mates behind her back.

Her hands trembled as she set Lando’s phone back down, her vision blurring with fresh tears. She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t keep pretending that this was okay, that she was okay. Lando didn’t care about her. He never had.

The sound of the water running in the bathroom felt distant, like it was coming from another world, another life. She sat there, her mind numb, her heart breaking all over again. She should’ve left. She should’ve finished packing her bag and walked out of that door the moment Lando left for dinner. But she hadn’t.

And now she was paying the price.

Lando emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped loosely around his waist, his hair damp and tousled from the shower. Water still clung to his skin, the dim hotel light casting a glow across the muscles of his chest and arms. He looked every bit like the Lando that had drawn her in from the start—effortlessly attractive, with that air of confidence that always seemed to follow him.

She couldn’t deny it. He was beautiful. Anyone would fall for him at first glance, and she had. But now, as he stood there, looking every bit the part of the man she had once thought she could love, the attraction didn’t hold the same weight it used to.

Sure, he was magnetic, the kind of person who could pull you into his orbit with just a smile. But what had that really gotten her? A heart that was constantly breaking, and a life lived on the sidelines, waiting for scraps of affection. The price she paid for being with Lando wasn’t worth it anymore—not when every touch, every kiss, every whispered promise felt like it was laced with lies.

Her chest tightened as she picked up her phone from the nightstand, her fingers curling around it like it was her lifeline. She had to get out of here. She couldn’t sit here, pretending everything was okay, pretending that she didn’t see that message, didn’t know exactly what Lando’s friends thought of her. What he thought of her.

“I’m just going to get some cutlery from downstairs,” she said, her voice shaking slightly as she tried to move toward the door, away from him.

But Lando’s hand shot out, gently pulling her back before she could make her escape. His fingers wrapped around her wrist, and she could feel the warmth of his skin, the way his touch still made her heart stutter despite everything. His brows furrowed slightly, his eyes searching hers.

“You’ve been off lately,” he said, his tone soft but probing. “Is it work?”

Her heart raced, panic flooding her veins. He was looking at her like he was genuinely concerned, like he cared. But she knew better now. This was part of the game, part of the act he played so well. And she had to lie—because the truth would only expose just how far she’d fallen for him, how deep this had gone for her, and how little it had meant to him.

“Yeah,” she replied, forcing a weak smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Work’s just been a lot lately.”

Lando’s grip on her wrist loosened, but his eyes didn’t leave hers. He leaned in slightly, his voice soft, almost affectionate. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

She swallowed hard, her throat tight as she fought back the storm of emotions threatening to spill over. She wanted to scream at him, to ask him how he could ask her that after everything—after the lies, after the way he’d treated her like she was nothing more than a fleeting distraction.

But instead, she did what she always did. She lied.

“Of course I would,” she said, the words tasting bitter as they left her lips.

Lando’s gaze lingered on her for a moment longer, his expression unreadable. Then, slowly, he let go of her wrist, his hand dropping back to his side. He smiled, that same easy, careless smile he always wore, and for a second, it almost felt like he believed her.

“Good,” he murmured, brushing a quick kiss against her temple before stepping back. “I’m glad.”

She nodded, her heart heavy in her chest as she forced herself to stay calm, to not let the cracks show. “I’ll just be a minute,” she mumbled, slipping away from him and heading for the door before he could stop her again.

As she stepped into the hallway, the air felt cooler, sharper, like a small relief from the suffocating warmth of Lando’s presence. She leaned against the wall for a moment, her phone still clenched tightly in her hand, her chest rising and falling with shallow breaths. Her mind was spinning, her heart aching with the weight of everything she couldn’t say.

She had lied to him. Lied to protect herself, to protect whatever was left of her dignity. But deep down, she knew the truth. She couldn’t keep doing this.

Not anymore.

She didn’t make it far before the tears started. Her steps slowed as the pressure in her chest became too much, the weight of everything crashing down on her all at once. She turned a corner in the hallway, eyes blurry and throat tight, searching for somewhere—anywhere—she could hide.

She spotted a door slightly ajar, marked with a plain “Staff Only” sign. Without thinking, she slipped inside, closing it behind her. It was a cramped janitor’s cupboard, the air thick with the smell of cleaning supplies and stale mop water. But it was quiet, dark, and, most importantly, away from Lando.

Her back hit the wall, and she slid down to the floor, curling in on herself as the sobs broke free. She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to muffle the sounds, but it was no use. The tears came in waves, the pain too raw, too overwhelming to control.

She hated herself for coming back, for believing, even for a moment, that things would be different. For letting him touch her, kiss her, knowing deep down that none of it meant what she wanted it to. And now, sitting alone in a janitor’s cupboard, hiding like a child, all she could think about was how foolish she’d been.

With shaking hands, she grabbed her phone, barely able to see the screen through the tears. She scrolled to Lily’s contact, hesitating for only a second before pressing the call button. It rang twice before Lily answered.

“Sweetheart?” Lily’s voice was soft but immediately laced with concern. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

The floodgates broke, and she couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out, her voice a broken, shaky whisper. “I hate myself,” she sobbed, choking on the words. “I hate that I let him do this to me. I keep going back, Lily. I hate it. I hate me.”

“Where are you?” Lily’s tone shifted, calm but urgent. “Tell me where you are. I’m coming to you right now.”

She swallowed hard, trying to catch her breath enough to speak. “I... I’m in some janitor’s cupboard. Down the hall from Lando’s room. I—I didn’t know where else to go.”

“I’m coming, okay? Just stay there. I’ll be right there.”

She nodded even though Lily couldn’t see her, clutching the phone to her chest as she waited, her sobs quieting but still leaving her body shaking. She felt so small, so utterly broken. The seconds felt like hours, each one dragging by in painful silence.

It wasn’t long before there was a soft knock on the door, and she heard Lily’s voice. “Darling? It’s me. Can I come in?”

She reached up, her hand trembling as she unlocked the door. Lily slipped inside, her face full of concern as she quickly closed the door behind her, blocking out the world. Without saying a word, she knelt down beside her, wrapping her arms around her tightly.

She broke all over again the moment Lily held her. She clung to her friend, burying her face in her shoulder as the sobs wracked her body. Lily didn’t say anything at first. She just held her, her hand gently stroking her hair, her presence a quiet reassurance in the small, dark space.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered through her tears. “I keep... I keep letting him hurt me, and I know I shouldn’t. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop. I hate myself for it.”

“Hey, no,” Lily said softly, pulling back just enough to look her in the eyes. “Don’t say that. You’re not the one who’s wrong here. He’s the one messing with your head, making you think this is normal. But it’s not your fault, okay? It’s not.”

She shook her head, the tears still falling. “I just feel so stupid. I saw a text from his friend... asking if I hadn’t gotten the hint yet. They know. They all know, and I’m still here, like some pathetic—”

“You’re not pathetic,” Lily interrupted, her voice firm but gentle. “You’re strong, darling. Stronger than you think. And I know it hurts right now, but you don’t deserve this. You deserve so much more than what Lando’s giving you.”

She tried to breathe, but her chest still felt tight, her mind spinning with shame and self-doubt. “I don’t know why I can’t just leave.”

Lily squeezed her hand, her eyes softening with understanding. “Because when someone gets into your head like that, it’s not easy to just walk away. He made you feel special, even if it was for the wrong reasons. But you’re not alone, darling. You’ve got me, you’ve got Oscar, and we’re not going anywhere. I’ll be here with you until you’re ready to leave, whenever that is.”

Her lip quivered, fresh tears welling in her eyes. She nodded, grateful but still lost in the ache that Lando had left behind. Lily’s words were like a balm, but the pain still sat heavy in her chest, raw and unresolved.

Lily leaned back, adjusting so that they were sitting side by side, their backs against the wall. She kept holding her hand, her thumb tracing soothing circles over her knuckles. “We can stay here as long as you need. You don’t have to face him right now. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

She let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes as she leaned against Lily, her body still trembling from the tears. “But he hasn’t done anything wrong,” she murmured, trying to convince herself, even as the words tasted bitter. “He just... he just doesn’t know how I feel.”

Lily pulled back slightly, her gaze intense as she looked into her eyes. “Yes, he has. Don’t lie to yourself, sweetheart. It’s not just about what he’s done; it’s about how he makes you feel. And right now, you’re hurting, and that’s not okay. You deserve someone who cares about you, not someone who’s playing games.”

She bit her lip, frustration mixing with sadness. “I know, but...”

“No buts.” Lily interrupted, her voice steady. “You’re worth more than this. You don’t have to keep accepting less than you deserve. You know that, right?”

She nodded, but the ache in her chest remained, a stubborn reminder of the tangled mess of emotions that Lando had stirred inside her. She felt like she was being pulled in two different directions: her heart yearned for the connection she had with Lando, while her mind screamed for her to walk away, to protect herself from more pain.

“What if I just... went and got my things?” she whispered, almost to herself. “I could just—”

Lily shook her head firmly. “You shouldn’t have to do that alone. I can call Oscar and ask him to pick up your stuff from Lando’s. He’s supportive, and I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help.”

“Are you sure?” she asked hesitantly, the thought of involving Oscar making her heart race. “I don’t want to make things weird.”

“It’s not weird,” Lily said, her voice soothing. “It’s what friends do. You need to take the first step in reclaiming your space. Let’s get your things, and then we can figure out the next steps together. You don’t have to face this alone, and you don’t have to keep putting yourself through this.”

She nodded again, feeling a flicker of gratitude for Lily’s unwavering support. It felt good to have someone in her corner, someone who believed she could do better, even when she struggled to believe it herself.

“Okay,” she finally said, her voice steadier now. “Let’s do that.”

“Good,” Lily replied, squeezing her hand tightly. “I’ll get Oscar to come over. And remember, you’re stronger than you think.”

Present Time

Now, standing in front of him in the rain-soaked street, she wondered if he even remembered that day. If he had any idea how much it had gutted her. The memory felt like a ghost, haunting her thoughts, each painful recollection mingling with the cold raindrops cascading down her cheeks.

“Should we get started?” she said, her voice a little too sharp. The rain was mixing with the ache in her chest, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand there, looking into those eyes that had once made her feel seen. Once. She hated that feeling of vulnerability he inspired, but even more, she hated the way it was fading.

Lando tilted his head, studying her with that signature smirk tugging at his lips. It was the same smirk that had once made her heart race, ignited her passion, and made her forget her own worth. But now, it only deepened the resolve she had built since their last encounter. There was a flint in his eyes, a spark that had once drawn her in, but she refused to let it affect her anymore. Those flames of desire he ignited had left her burnt before, and she wasn’t going to let it happen again.

“Yeah. Let’s get started,” he echoed, his voice smooth but tinged with a hint of something darker lurking beneath. She could sense it—an undercurrent of his charm that was both magnetic and dangerous.

They both knew this wasn’t just another interview. Not for him. Not for her.

But she wasn’t that girl anymore. She wouldn’t let him see her fall apart again. Not this time. Each raindrop felt like a reminder of her strength, a symbol of her resolve to stand firm against the tides of emotion that threatened to wash her away. She took a deep breath, grounding herself in the moment, and steeled her gaze against the storm brewing in her heart.

“Let’s talk about the last race,” she said, forcing her voice to steady. “You seemed to be struggling with the new tires. What do you think the team could do differently moving forward?”

Lando's brow furrowed, momentarily surprised by the shift in her tone. It was almost like he was used to her fawning over him, allowing his charisma to overshadow her professionalism. But not today. Not anymore.

He responded, launching into technical details, but she could see his focus drifting, his smirk slipping just a little as he searched her expression for any trace of the girl he had once known—the one who had been captivated by his every word. But he wouldn’t find her here, not today.

As he spoke, she fought to keep her expression neutral, not letting the echoes of their past seep into her demeanour. The way he moved, the way he gestured—there was still an effortless charm to him, but it was fading, like a sunset after a long day. She wasn’t here to be dazzled; she was here to reclaim her narrative, to make sure he understood that she had grown.

“Uh, sweeth-” he said suddenly, cutting himself off from finishing the per name she used to love, his tone shifting as he leaned closer, invading her personal space. “You seem… different. What’s going on?”

The intensity of his gaze was like a spotlight, and for a moment, she felt the familiar stir of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. But she clung to the memory of that cramped janitor’s cupboard, to the warmth of Lily’s embrace, and the strength it had given her. She wouldn’t let him in, wouldn’t let him see her falter.

“Just focusing on the questions, Lando,” she replied, her voice crisp and steady, eyes locked on his. “I’m here to do a job.”

He narrowed his eyes, clearly thrown by her tone. The playfulness he often relied on was nowhere to be found, and for the first time, she saw uncertainty flash across his face. It was intoxicating, seeing him taken aback. It reminded her that he wasn’t invincible.

“Fine,” he said, his tone shifting back to that of a confident driver. “I can handle a little professionalism. I admire it, actually.”

“Then let’s keep it professional,” she shot back, her heart pounding with a mix of adrenaline and exhilaration. There was something liberating about standing her ground, about showing him that she wasn’t afraid to push back.

As they continued their exchange, a storm raged on outside—water pouring down in sheets, thunder rumbling in the distance. But here, away from the rain, she felt the weight of her past begin to lift. She wouldn’t allow Lando to pull her back into his world of uncertainty and heartache. She was building her own life now, with friendships that mattered, goals that fueled her, and a vision that didn’t include him.

With each word, she drew a line in the sand, reminding herself that this was her moment, not his. She had reclaimed her voice, and she was ready to use it.

the end.

[asksonicverse]

*not for any of the Bois* but omg I love this. How they're all drawn where theyre all Shadow and Sonic but still uniquely themselves. Esp that glowsticks ask for the SMU duo and how expressive the primes are (the ears omg, one of my fav parts of that show). Love that Lance and Arthur are together like an old married couple. Love this so much and looking forward to where it goes next. (Really glad I watched Snapcubes play through of TMoStH a few days ago, excellent timing on my part lol)

[ CREATOR SPECIAL! ]

I love it when you guys notice all the little details I try to pack in to make sure each Sonic and Shadow is different. I fear I will dip into more OOC/headcanon personality traits for some of the Sonic’s and Shadows as we progress (it’s a bit unavoidable… sorrey)

Paradox and Prism are the only Sonic and Shadow who emote with their ears. I try to keep Latch and Reeves eyes more square and give them pupils. The tops of Bandi and Boosts eyes are colored black. Lance and Arthur are just 🏳️‍🌈 and there’s other stuff like Snap and OG being “low poly” hehe.

Yes!!! I headcanon that he “accepted” and really realized he liked Prism pretty recently (as we’ve seen) but before that it was an unconscious crush from this moment onward.

LIKE OH MY GODDD THE WAY HE REACHES FOR HIM AND HIS PUPILS GET SMALLER AND HIS EARS DROOP OH MY GRRRAHHH

At first he just chalks it up to caring about Prism like a friend after their shared experience. And his ass thinks “man I sure would like to cuddle under the stars with this guy, damn I hate him, must be normal friendship feelings since I don’t have many of those” and now he’s like “ah shit yeah I see it”

Their “task” was just being together with Amy. Which they already were. So they have special permission to exposition dump help out!

YOU BOTH ARE SO SWEET THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS. I appreciate all the kind words I get on this ask blog and I wish I could reply to every single one of them.

You guys have no idea how much YOU mean to me and this blog, I would NOT be half as motivated to continue it if not for you guys. I do my best to balance the characters based on popularity so if some of them do slip through the cracks, I’m sorry 😭💕

And I’m still learning how to draw Sonic characters… I’m trying my best to get the best I can so that you guys can get the highest quality I can achieve with such my skill set :’D

I think I have a bad habit of mostly doing headshots… but I’m glad to know they get the job done! 🤣

Awwwwh omg thank you so much!!! I love it!!! Thank you for taking the time to create something even if you don’t think it’s great. I think it’s amazing!!!!

As long as you keep practicing and stay consistent you will see improvement fast!! Thank you again 🥹

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[diamonddaze01]

beautiful fool

pairing: jeon wonwoo x f!reader | wc: 5.1k genre: angst angst angst angst angst | vaguely based on the great gatsby warnings: really really sad (i’m not sorry) a/n: the angst olympics have begun and this one goes out to serena @gotta-winwin 💕 enormous thanks to @haologram and @ylangelegy for betaing this monster for me i love u!!

the angst olympics are live! check out all the amazing authors <3

join my taglist here

summary: Foolishly, Wonwoo let himself hope.

It’s cruel, Wonwoo thinks, how the sound of your laughter feels like both a blessing and a punishment.

The laughter now—it reminds him of the first time he heard it, ringing out like an unintentional symphony in this same café, on a day when the clouds hung heavy outside and the tables were quiet. You’d burst in with the kind of presence that demanded attention, the bell above the door jangling in your wake as you called out a cheerful, “What’s good here, huh? I need recommendations from the experts!”

You’d strode up to the counter, all wide eyes and crinkled smiles, resting your elbows on the worn wood like you belonged there. And Wonwoo—awkward, reserved Wonwoo—could only blink for a moment too long before fumbling for words.

“Um,” he had managed, his voice barely carrying over the soft jazz playing in the background. “The, uh, the matcha latte is… popular?”

“Popular?” you’d repeated, feigning horror as if he’d personally offended you. “That’s the best you’ve got? Come on, barista guy, sell me on it! Give me the rundown—what’s the vibe? Is it creamy, is it sweet? Am I about to ascend to a higher plane of existence?”

The words tumbled out of you like you couldn’t stop them, every syllable bubbling with life. He’d tried to respond, he really had, but his gaze kept catching on the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled. How your lips quirked in amusement even as you teased him. How, somehow, your laughter seemed to make the dull, gray afternoon outside feel brighter.

“It’s… creamy,” he’d said lamely, his face warming. “And… uh, it’s sweet, yeah.”

“Sold,” you’d said with a grin that made his chest ache.

When he handed you the drink, your fingers had brushed his for the briefest second. He remembered how you took a sip, sighed dramatically, and declared, “Barista guy, you were right—I might actually ascend. Thank you for this life-changing experience.”

You hadn’t stayed long that day, just enough to finish your drink and leave a tip in the jar, but Wonwoo had found himself replaying the scene over and over in his head that night. He remembered everything—the way you’d wrinkled your nose at the cold weather outside, the exact cadence of your laugh, the way you’d glanced over your shoulder as you left, flashing him one last smile.

He’d learned later, when you became a regular, that this was just you. Full of energy, full of light. But that first meeting stayed with him, a snapshot of you permanently etched into his memory.

The fifth time you came into the café, the heat outside was so stifling that not even the air conditioner could stop the sweat from rolling down Wonwoo’s temples. By then, he’d learned so much about you in the smallest of ways. Your usual drink had changed once—just once—during a brutal heatwave, and you’d swapped it out for an iced Americano, claiming it “felt like a personality betrayal.” He’d learned you liked your pastries warmed, but not too warm, and that you loved to read but always left your books with bent corners, something that made him wince and you laugh.

And he’d learned your name.

That was the first barrier you broke—offering your name with a playful smile as he handed you your drink. “You’ve been calling me ‘matcha latte’ in your head this whole time, haven’t you?” you teased.

He’d stumbled over his words, his ears turning red, and you’d laughed again, your name falling so naturally from your lips it stuck in his mind immediately.

The tenth time you came into the café, you weren’t alone. It was mid-afternoon, the sun cutting through the windows in golden slants, and you’d arrived with a small group of friends. You were louder than usual, laughing as one of them tripped over the step leading inside, your voice cutting through the quiet hum of the space like a melody he didn’t know he was waiting to hear.

Wonwoo had been at the counter, trying not to look too eager as you approached with your friends in tow. You gestured to him with a grin so familiar now that it still caught him off guard. “Guys, this is Wonwoo—the guy who knows everything I like.”

The way you said it was so casual, so effortless, but it felt like a stone dropping into the still waters of his chest. He had to steady his hands against the register, swallowing against the sudden rush of warmth that bloomed under his collar.

Your friends turned to him, smiling, teasing, offering their own introductions, but Wonwoo’s attention was already elsewhere. His gaze flickered to you, watching as you pulled a menu from the holder, furrowing your brows as you skimmed it even though you already knew what you wanted.

One of your friends—a tall, confident woman with a sharp laugh—leaned on the counter, fixing him with a playful smirk. “So, Wonwoo,” she said, drawing out his name like it was something fragile. “What’s your secret? How’d you win her over?” She tilted her head toward you, and your other friends chuckled in agreement.

Wonwoo glanced at you, hoping for a lifeline, but you only laughed, waving a hand in dismissal. “He didn’t win me over,” you said, still focused on the menu. “He just knows my coffee order by heart. That’s all it takes to impress me, apparently.”

You said it so lightly, but something in the way your eyes flicked up to meet his for a fleeting second before turning back to the menu made his heart stutter.

“Still,” your friend pressed, undeterred. “Knowing what someone likes—that’s a skill. So, what’s my vibe, Wonwoo?”

He barely heard the question. His eyes stayed locked on you as you laughed at another friend’s joke, your smile softening as you leaned back in your chair. You looked so at ease, so at home in this tiny café, and for a brief, unguarded moment, something in Wonwoo let itself imagine.

Not the café, but a quiet kitchen. Not you at a table with friends, but you sitting across from him, your head tilted as you teased him about his plain food choices. He imagined mornings with you in your pajamas, evenings with you curled up on the couch, the easy rhythm of a life spent together.

It was absurd, of course. He barely knew you, beyond the drinks you liked and the way you always tucked your hair behind your ear when you laughed too hard. But the idea lingered, like the scent of your perfume, sweet and impossible to ignore.

Your friend was still talking, still trying to catch his attention, but Wonwoo only nodded politely, his gaze drifting back to you. You caught his eye and grinned, holding up the menu. “I’ll just have my usual, Wonwoo,” you said, your voice lilting with familiarity.

He nodded, retreating to the safety of the espresso machine, where he could steady his hands and pretend he wasn’t imagining a life that wasn’t his to dream of.

A year after you’d first stepped into the café, you weren’t just a regular; you were the regular. Everyone knew your name, your order, your quirks, but somehow, you’d made it a habit to linger at the counter and talk to him.

It had been a slower afternoon, a rare lull in the usual rush, and you were perched on one of the stools by the register (a part of Wonwoo wondered if you left your usual seat in the corner for him). You twirled your straw absentmindedly in your drink (“surprise me,” you had stated matter-of-factly as you dropped a tote overflowing with papers at your feet. Wonwoo made you a caramel brulee latte, just as sweet as you), a slight frown tugging at your lips as you stared at your laptop screen.

“Another paper?” Wonwoo asked, glancing over as he wiped down the counter.

“Dissertation,” you groaned, dragging the word out dramatically. “The Implications of Procedural Justice on Environmental Law Compliance. Doesn’t it sound riveting?”

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow, leaning against the counter. “It… sounds like a lot.”

“You can just say it’s boring,” you laughed, your eyes crinkling at the corners. “But it’s not, really. It’s actually pretty interesting once you get into it. You know, how people are more likely to follow laws when they feel like the process is fair? I’m focusing on corporate compliance in environmental policy.”

He nodded, genuinely intrigued. “That actually sounds… important.”

You paused, blinking up at him, and then smiled. “See, this is why I like talking to you. You don’t just nod and tune me out—you actually listen.”

Wonwoo felt his chest tighten at your words, his fingers gripping the edge of the cloth he was holding. He ducked his head slightly, focusing on the counter. “Well, you make it easy to listen,” he said softly.

You tilted your head, studying him for a moment before leaning forward on the counter, a playful grin spreading across your face. “Okay, your turn. I always tell you what I’m up to—what about you? What’s Wonwoo’s big dream?”

He hesitated, caught off guard. “I, uh… I study literature,” he admitted finally, his ears burning. “I want to teach one day. Maybe at a university.”

Your face lit up. “Wait, that’s so cool! What kind of literature?”

“Modern, mostly,” he said, relaxing slightly under your genuine interest. “I’ve been working on a thesis about the intersection of memory and identity in postwar fiction.”

Your eyes lit up, the exhaustion slipping from your features for a moment. “No way! Okay, you’re officially not allowed to judge me for being a nerd anymore.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever judged you,” he replied, his voice quieter now.

You opened your mouth to reply, but the sudden weight of his words hung between you for just a moment too long. Your lips quirked upward, something unreadable flickering across your face, before you leaned back. “Thanks for the drink, Wonwoo,” you said softly, brushing your fingers over the counter before packing your bag.

It wasn’t until later that night, long after you’d left, that Wonwoo let himself linger on the memory. You’d never said his name like that before, soft and deliberate, like you were testing how it felt. He couldn’t help but replay the way your lips had curved around the syllables, how you’d looked at him like he wasn’t just another barista in another café.

For the first time, the thought crept in, unbidden but relentless: This could be something.

It was absurd, of course. You were you—full of life and light, with dreams bigger than the small confines of this café. And he was… just him. But he couldn’t stop the quiet ache that spread through his chest, the flicker of a hope he knew he had no right to hold.

He glanced toward the window, where the neon café sign reflected against the glass. It reminded him of a lighthouse, a beacon in the dark, and he wondered if you could feel it too—that pull, that something unspoken lingering between you.

It had been a slow evening at the café, the kind of night where the clock ticked louder than the murmur of customers, and the air was thick with the scent of coffee grounds and faint traces of sugar. Wonwoo was wiping down the tables, his mind half-focused on the task, when the chime of the door pulled his gaze upward.

It was you, of course.

You always showed up at odd hours, just as the café was starting to empty, like you knew he’d have more time to talk to you then. Tonight, you were bundled in a scarf that swallowed half your face, your nose pink from the cold. You waved at him as you approached the counter, your eyes crinkling at the edges in a way that made his heart do that stupid fluttering thing he wished he could control.

“Hi, Wonwoo,” you greeted, pulling the scarf down. Your breath puffed out in little clouds. “I swear it’s colder in here than it is outside. What’s a girl gotta do to get some hot chocolate around here?”

He smiled softly, already reaching for the cocoa powder. “You could ask nicely.”

“I could,” you said, leaning against the counter. “But it’s more fun to whine about it.”

Wonwoo chuckled, shaking his head as he worked. He knew your drink by heart now: extra whipped cream, a dusting of cinnamon, and just a hint of vanilla. It wasn’t on the menu, but he made it for you anyway, the way he always did.

“Late night studying again?” he asked as he set the mug in front of you.

You groaned dramatically. “Dissertations are evil, Wonwoo. Did you know that? If I don’t turn into a husk of a human being by the time I finish this, it’ll be a miracle.”

“What’s the topic again?”

“Corporate compliance in environmental policy.” You said it like the words physically pained you. “Which, by the way, sounded way cooler in my head when I picked it.”

Wonwoo nodded, leaning against the counter as you took your first sip of hot chocolate. He’d heard you talk about your dissertation before, but he never got tired of it. There was something about the way you got so animated, even when you were complaining, that made him want to listen forever.

“You’ll do great,” he said quietly.

You looked up at him then, your smile soft, almost shy. “Thanks, Wonwoo. That means a lot.”

The café was nearly empty now, the last few customers filtering out as the night dragged on. But you stayed, your mug cradled between your hands, talking about your classes and your professors and the funny thing that happened on the bus earlier. Wonwoo didn’t care that his shift technically ended ten minutes ago. He didn’t care that he still had cleaning to do. All he cared about was the way your laugh filled the quiet spaces around him, the way your eyes sparkled when you told a story.

He felt it again, let himself imagine it —something more. Something real.

It was a dangerous thought, one that he tried to push away as soon as it surfaced. But he couldn’t help it. Not when you were sitting there, looking at him like he was someone worth talking to, someone worth spending time with.

The sound of your phone buzzing broke the moment. You glanced at the screen, your expression softening as you read the message.

“Gotta head out,” you said, standing and wrapping your scarf around your neck again. “Thanks for the hot chocolate, Wonwoo. You’re the best.”

He watched as you walked toward the door, his heart sinking just a little. And then, just before you left, you turned back, flashing him one last smile.

“See you tomorrow?”

He nodded, his voice catching in his throat. “Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

The door closed behind you, and for a long moment, Wonwoo stood there, staring at the empty table where you’d been sitting. The mug was still there, half-finished, a little smudge of whipped cream on the rim.

Foolishly, Wonwoo let himself hope.

The crash of dishes from the kitchen startles Wonwoo out of his daze. You’re sitting in your usual spot, tucked into the corner by the window, but the air around you feels different now. Electric. It’s him, of course—the man sitting across from you, the one who pulled him aside earlier with a conspiratorial grin and a velvet box. The one who makes your smile light up in ways Wonwoo knows he could never match.

His fingers tighten around the edge of the counter as he watches you laugh, your head tilting back slightly, the sunlight catching in your hair just so. It’s the kind of moment he’s witnessed a thousand times before, but now, there’s someone else at the center of it. Someone who isn’t him.

The ache in his chest feels almost physical, and he forces himself to look away before the bitterness creeping up his throat can take hold. Instead, he busies himself with the mundane—wiping the counter, rearranging sugar packets, anything to keep his hands moving. But it doesn’t stop the sound of your laughter from reaching him, soft and bright and devastatingly familiar.

It’s unfair, he thinks, how easily Minghao fits into your world. The way he leans across the table to brush a stray strand of hair from your face, or the way you reach out instinctively to steady his coffee cup before it tips. These little moments, so effortlessly intimate, feel like tiny fractures in the armor Wonwoo has spent years building around his heart.

When Minghao glances over, catching Wonwoo’s eye with a small, polite nod, Wonwoo musters a tight smile in return. It’s not the man’s fault, after all. Minghao seems kind, thoughtful, genuine. Everything you deserve.

Wonwoo turns back toward the espresso machine, letting the whir of the grinder drown out the sound of your voice. He doesn’t want to hear it—not when it’s directed at someone else.

But before today, there was another moment. The first time you brought Minghao to the café—a moment that still plays in his mind like a film reel stuck on loop.

It was raining that afternoon, the kind of heavy downpour that made people huddle under umbrellas and rush through the streets. You’d come in with someone trailing behind you, your laughter cutting through the sound of raindrops pelting the windows.

“Wonwoo!” you’d called out, shaking water from your coat. “Two coffees, please—my usual and whatever this guy wants.”

Wonwoo glanced up from the register, his gaze landing first on you, and then on the man at your side. Minghao, you’d introduced him as, your voice warm and easy. A friend, you’d said. Just a friend.

But even then, something about the way Minghao looked at you—like you were the only thing in the room worth noticing—set Wonwoo on edge.

As he worked, he could hear snippets of your conversation, your voice rising and falling in that familiar cadence he’d come to associate with comfort. Minghao was quieter, his words measured, his tone soft, but there was something about him that made Wonwoo’s stomach twist.

When he brought the drinks to your table, you’d looked up at him with that smile, the one that had always felt like it was just for him.

“Thanks, Wonwoo,” you’d said, your fingers brushing his briefly as you took the cup.

But then Minghao had thanked him too, his voice kind and unassuming, and Wonwoo had felt the ground shift beneath him.

For the rest of your visit, he couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting toward your table. You and Minghao talked and laughed, completely at ease with one another, and for the first time, Wonwoo felt like an intruder in the space he’d always considered yours and his.

When you left, you’d waved at him from the door, your grin as bright as ever. Minghao had followed you out, holding the door open with an easy grace that only deepened the pit in Wonwoo’s stomach.

It was the first time he realized that he wasn’t the only one who could make you smile.

The café had been alive with its usual mid-morning hum—quiet chatter from the tables, the clang of dishes in the kitchen, and the steady hiss of the espresso machine. Wonwoo had been at the counter, lost in the familiar rhythm of his work, when he heard it.

“Iced americano, please,” Minghao had said, his voice calm, self-assured, the kind of voice that felt effortless.

Wonwoo’s hand had faltered mid-pour, his grip tightening on the milk pitcher as the words registered. Iced americano? For you?

He had risked a glance toward your usual table, tucked into the corner by the window, and his chest had tightened painfully. You were there, as always, smiling, leaning forward with your chin resting on your hand. But it was different this time. The warmth of your smile wasn’t aimed at him. It was Minghao who was sitting across from you, soaking it all in. Minghao who had ordered for you.

Wonwoo had turned back to his work, trying to focus on the drink in front of him. It didn’t make sense. You hated iced americanos. He remembered the way you’d scrunched your nose the first time he had offered you one, teasing him mercilessly. “How can you drink that stuff, Wonwoo? It tastes like regret.” Your voice had been playful, your laugh easy, and he had stored that moment away like a keepsake.

But now, here you were, nodding along as Minghao ordered for you like it was the most natural thing in the world. Wonwoo had finished pouring the latte in front of him, but his hands had felt mechanical, detached from the rest of him. He had barely registered the weight of the drink as he placed it on the counter.

When Minghao set the iced americano in front of you, his hand had brushed yours briefly before he sat down. Wonwoo had watched as your smile softened, as you wrapped your fingers around the cup like it was something you had been craving. And then you’d laughed, the sound light and melodic, and said, “You know me best, love.”

Wonwoo’s heart had plummeted. He had gripped the edge of the counter so hard his knuckles turned white, the world tilting beneath his feet. The words echoed in his mind, sharp and unforgiving.

You know me best.

He had turned away, pretending to busy himself with the next order. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the image of you smiling at Minghao, couldn’t unhear the way you had said those words with such tender conviction.

The latte he had poured earlier had gone untouched, forgotten. Wonwoo had stood there, rooted to the spot, the weight of his longing pressing down on him like a lead blanket.

It was in that moment he had felt it—the quiet, gut-wrenching realization that he was losing you. Or maybe, he thought bitterly, he had never really had you at all.

It had started gradually, so slowly that Wonwoo hadn’t noticed at first. But one day, it hit him all at once, an unbearable weight that left him breathless.

The café wasn’t yours anymore.

It was yours and Minghao’s.

Wonwoo had watched from behind the counter as the two of you settled into your usual corner table. It had been your favorite spot for as long as he could remember, tucked away by the window where the sunlight streamed in just right. But now, it wasn’t just yours. Minghao was there, always, his presence seamless, like he belonged there with you.

You were sitting closer to him than you ever had to anyone else. Your shoulders almost touched, your hands occasionally brushing as you talked. Minghao had leaned over at one point, whispering something in your ear, and you had laughed—soft and sweet, the kind of laugh that used to belong to Wonwoo’s mornings.

He had turned away, pretending to be busy wiping down the counter, but his ears had caught every word of your conversation.

“Do you think we’ll need more space if we get two dogs?” Minghao had asked, his voice playful, teasing.

Wonwoo’s hands had stilled, the cloth hanging limply in his grasp. His heart had tightened painfully in his chest, but he couldn’t stop himself from listening.

“Maybe,” you replied, your laughter light and carefree. “But only if you’re okay with them taking over your meditation spot.”

Minghao’s voice warm and steady. “Guess we’ll have to buy that house on the prairie sooner than later, huh?”

Wonwoo had turned his back to you then, his breath coming in shallow bursts. He had clutched the counter like it was the only thing tethering him to the ground, trying to drown out the image of you and Minghao planning a future together. A house. Dogs. A life so vividly painted that it felt like a cruel joke.

The café had always been a sanctuary for him, a place where you existed in the quiet corners of his life. But now, it felt foreign, a space where he no longer belonged. It was your spot now, not his.

He had overheard snippets of your plans, dreams spoken aloud with an ease that tore at him. Every word had been a reminder that he was on the outside looking in, that he was just the quiet boy behind the counter who made your coffee exactly the way you liked it.

The café had once been the place where you smiled at him like he was the only person in the world. Now, it was the place where he watched you fall in love with someone else.

He had stood there, surrounded by the hum of conversations and the clatter of dishes, feeling like a ghost haunting his own memories.

It’s cruel, how easily Minghao trusted him with this moment. How he asked Wonwoo, like it was nothing, to hide the ring in the dessert he’s delivering now. As if his hands weren’t trembling as he plated it, as if his chest wasn’t heavy with the weight of knowing this is the last piece of you he’ll ever get to hold.

The plate feels heavier than it should as he carries it to your table. He’s aware of every step, of every breath, as if his body is moving through molasses. The dessert—a slice of tiramisu, your favorite—rests delicately in his hands, but it feels like a cruel joke now. A symbol of everything he’ll never be.

Your laughter rings out as he approaches, light and melodic, and he wonders if it’s the last time he’ll hear it like this—so free, so untouched by the gravity of the moment about to unfold. Minghao’s hand rests casually on the table, his fingers inches from yours, and Wonwoo can’t help but notice the way you lean into his presence like it’s second nature. Like it’s home.

He sets the plate down in front of you with practiced ease, though his hands still shake when he pulls away.

“Here you go,” he says, his voice steadier than he expected. “Enjoy.”

You look up at him then, your eyes crinkling at the corners as you smile. “Thanks, Wonwoo.”

His name on your lips is both a balm and a wound, and for a moment, he thinks he might shatter under the weight of it. But he nods, retreating to the counter where he can watch from a safe distance, where he can fall apart in silence.

You don’t notice the ring at first. You’re too busy teasing Minghao about stealing a bite before you’ve even had a chance to dig in. But then, your fork clinks against something, and you pause, your brows knitting together in confusion.

“What’s this?” you murmur, carefully pulling the ring free from its hiding place.

Minghao is already on his feet, rounding the table to kneel beside you. The café seems to hold its breath as he takes your hand, his eyes shining with a mix of nerves and affection.

Wonwoo looks away.

He doesn’t need to see it. The proposal. The way your face lights up as realization dawns. The way Minghao’s words tumble out in a rush, practiced yet trembling with sincerity. He doesn’t need to watch you say yes.

But the sound reaches him anyway. Your gasp, the hitch in your voice, the soft “Oh my God, yes,” that shatters the fragile cocoon he’s wrapped himself in. He doesn’t need to watch as you throw your arms around Minghao, your laughter spilling over like sunlight breaking through a storm.

Wonwoo keeps his eyes fixed on the counter, his hands clutching at the edge like it’s the only thing tethering him to the ground. He busies himself with wiping a nonexistent stain, scrubbing at the surface with the ferocity of someone trying to erase something far more permanent.

The café erupts into applause, a ripple of congratulations that echoes around him. He forces himself to glance up, just once, because some part of him craves the closure, even as it twists the knife deeper.

There you are, in Minghao’s arms, your face pressed against his shoulder as you laugh through your tears. The ring glints on your finger—a promise, a future, a life that will never include him. He looks away again, but it doesn’t help. The image is burned into his mind, an afterimage of something he never truly had but still somehow feels like he’s lost.

Wonwoo wonders if this is how it will always feel. If he’ll spend the rest of his life haunted by the ghost of what could have been. If every slice of tiramisu he plates will carry the faint echo of this moment, of your laughter and Minghao’s smile and the unbearable weight of knowing he helped make it all possible.

He hears you call his name, bright and warm and unknowing, and he turns automatically, his heart betraying him even now. You’re holding up your hand, showing him the ring, and your joy is blinding.

“Wonwoo, can you believe it?!” you exclaim, your voice ringing with the kind of happiness that should be infectious, but only makes his chest ache.

His smile is reflexive, a practiced thing, and it feels like it might crack under the pressure. “Congratulations,” he says, the word catching slightly in his throat. “I’m really happy for you.”

You beam at him, and he thinks, not for the first time, how cruel it is to love someone who has no idea they’re breaking you - your smile is everything he ever wanted but could never have.

Later, when the café is empty and the lights are dimmed, Wonwoo sits at one of the corner tables, staring at the spot where you and Minghao had sat. He imagines you there, still laughing, still radiant.

And for a moment, he thinks he sees it in the reflection of the glass—the ghost of a love he never had, far off in the distance. It glows brightly, just out of reach, always just beyond his fingertips. And he, the fool, has spent what feels like his whole life chasing it, pretending he could make it his.

The tiramisu was perfect. The moment was perfect. Everything unfolded exactly as it should have.

And yet, Wonwoo sits there, alone, with the unbearable weight of knowing that some dreams were never meant to be more than that—dreams.

The café feels colder now, emptier somehow, and for the first time, he wonders if he’ll ever be able to find warmth here again. He feels the truth settle over him like the weight of an old, forgotten grief:

You were never meant to be his.

Not really.

Not ever.

[lilithlounge]

🌟 Davison Chart Rising Signs: The Face of Your Relationship 🌟

Want a deeper look into your Davison Chart? I offer in-depth relationship astrology readings to analyze your Davison, Composite, and Synastry Charts for a complete picture of your love connection! Pay what you can for a reading 💕.

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In relationship astrology, the Davison Chart is a powerful tool used to analyze the soul and purpose of a relationship. Unlike the Synastry or Composite Chart, which focus on dynamics between two people, the Davison Chart creates an actual birth chart for the relationship itself—as if the connection were a living, breathing entity.

One of the most revealing placements in a Davison Chart is the Ascendant (Rising Sign), which represents:

-The overall energy & "personality" of the relationship.

-How others perceive the couple.

-The first impression the relationship gives off

-The couple’s approach to challenges & experiences together.

Let’s explore how each Rising Sign manifests in a Davison Chart and what it says about the nature of your relationship!

Fire Risings (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius)❤️‍🔥

Passionate, bold, and high-energy relationships. These couples thrive on adventure, excitement, and spontaneity but may also face power struggles if not careful.

Aries Rising – The relationship is fast-moving, exciting, and highly passionate. There is strong chemistry, but conflicts can arise due to impulsiveness or competitiveness. Others see the couple as bold and energetic.

Leo Rising – A couple that turns heads! Magnetic, playful, and deeply romantic, Leo Rising relationships are full of grand gestures, affection, and pride in each other. However, ego clashes can occur if both partners crave the spotlight.

Sagittarius Rising – This relationship is all about freedom, growth, and exploration. The couple may travel often, engage in philosophical discussions, or have a non-traditional relationship structure. Others see them as fun-loving, adventurous, and independent.

🌿 Earth Risings (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn)💚

Grounded, stable, and long-term-oriented relationships. These couples prioritize practicality, loyalty, and building a secure foundation together.

Taurus Rising – A deeply sensual, affectionate, and grounded connection. This relationship values comfort, stability, and emotional security. Others see the couple as romantic and dependable, but there may be stubbornness or resistance to change.

Virgo Rising – A relationship based on growth, service, and shared routines. This couple thrives on helping each other improve, but they may overanalyze the relationship at times. Others see them as practical, intelligent, and highly organized.

Capricorn Rising – This relationship is serious, committed, and goal-oriented. The couple may focus on building a future together, career success, or long-term plans. They may appear reserved or traditional to others but have a strong sense of loyalty and structure.

💨 Air Risings (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius)🤍

Intellectually stimulating, social, and dynamic relationships. These couples thrive on communication, curiosity, and mental connection.

Gemini Rising – A relationship full of lively conversations, humor, and constant change. The couple may enjoy learning together, trying new experiences, or engaging in playful banter. Others see them as fun and sociable, but possibly unpredictable.

Libra Rising – A relationship that embodies romance, harmony, and social grace. This couple is naturally charming and enjoys aesthetic beauty, shared experiences, and deep emotional connections. Others see them as elegant and balanced, but conflict avoidance can be an issue.

Aquarius Rising – A relationship that feels unique, unconventional, and ahead of its time. This couple values freedom, individuality, and shared visions for the future. Others may see them as rebellious or unconventional, but they thrive on intellectual and spiritual connection.

🌊 Water Risings (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) 💙

Deep, emotional, and transformative relationships. These couples experience intense emotional bonding, strong intuition, and sometimes karmic or past-life connections.

Cancer Rising – A deeply nurturing, emotional, and protective relationship. The couple may create a home-like atmosphere together and prioritize family and emotional security. Others see them as gentle, caring, and intuitive.

Scorpio Rising – Intense, magnetic, and life-changing. This relationship is built on deep emotional and sexual bonding, power dynamics, and personal transformation. Others may view them as mysterious, private, or intimidating, but their love is profound.

Pisces Rising – Dreamy, spiritual, and highly intuitive. This relationship feels like a fairytale or destined connection. The couple may share deep artistic, musical, or spiritual interests. Others see them as romantic and compassionate, but potentially unrealistic or escapist.

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

Unpopular Synastry Opinions 💘💓❣️💚💞💖💙💛🖤💗💜💔❤️💕

Disclaimer: This is a long post. If it doesn’t apply, let it fly. These explanations in my perspective resonate most with your Synastry based on the Whole Sign system.

💕 For me, in order to have a romantic connection with someone, their planets must fall into the houses of romance in your chart. If not, it doesn’t mean you won’t have a romantic relationship, but it does suggest that the connection might be more rooted in friendship, familiarity, work, career, or business rather than romance.

🏡The houses of romance are the 5th, 7th, 8th, and 12th houses.

1️⃣ The 1st house in synastry isn’t particularly amazing to me. In fact, I think it can cause more issues than it provides benefits. The reason is that everything becomes tied to the house person’s identity. For example, if your Sun falls in their 1st house, everything revolves around the house person’s sense of self. While there might be attraction and allure, it also creates a dynamic where the focus is heavily on one person. To me, this doesn’t really scream romance as much as it functions as a confidence booster for the house person. I think it works well if there are other connections to the romantic houses (5th, 7th, 8th, or 12th), as the 1st house overlay can complement those by boosting someone’s confidence within the relationship. However, on its own, I don’t see the 1st house as particularly compelling or significant for fostering deep romance.

(My first house falls in the Moon of my ex, and although he always gave me so many compliments, I never felt like I was extending that same energy to him. This can sometimes lead to the planet person feeling used. First house energy can often come across as selfish.)

2️⃣The 2nd house in synastry always points to a business partnership, working on a project, or trying to accomplish a goal together. To me, it is not a romantic house. It’s heavily focused on assets, finances, and values. While some people tend to romanticize it—because that’s part of the allure of synastry and the desire to find romantic connections—it’s ultimately a serious house. This is where you and the other person are likely to focus on discussions about goals, plans for making money, or increasing stability, rather than romance.It’s not a romantic house at all, and it can also be easily afflicted because it deals with sensitive matters like finances and personal values. If the planetary interactions aren’t beneficial, it can become detrimental. Someone’s planets in your 2nd house could mess up your money, disrupt your goals, complicate business ventures, or undermine your responsibilities and stability.

( All the people I’ve met whose planets fell in my second house were people I encountered when I was trying to accomplish something, had a goal in mind, or was driven and focused on achieving that goal. That’s why I believe the second house isn’t really a house of romance—when you meet these people, you’re not necessarily looking for romance; you’re focused on your goals.

For example, I met two people whose planets fell in my second house while I was in cosmetology school, focused on earning my cosmetology license. I also met a guy in college while I was working toward my degree and pursuing education. Another time, I met someone whose planet fell into my second house, and they actually introduced me to someone else whose planet also fell into my second house.

I’ve noticed a consistent theme: most of the time, when you meet people whose planets fall in your second house, it’s in structured environments like work or school. You might meet them while handling finances at the bank or while pursuing a skill or goal in life. These connections often happen when you’re focused on something significant.

However, these relationships can go either way—they may uplift and support you, or they may become a detriment. In my experience, many of these people ended up being more of a detriment than a positive influence, likely because the second house can sometimes be afflicted and easily lean into its negative aspects.)

3️⃣The 3rd house, to me, is best suited for friendships. The reason it works well for friendships is that it fosters a talkative dynamic. With someone’s planets in your 3rd house, you’re likely to have a relationship where you both enjoy talking about your day-to-day lives, sharing what’s going on, gossiping, and having casual chit-chat.This placement often involves doing things together around town, like going to the mall, visiting restaurants, hanging out at bars or clubs, spending time in nature, or attending events. The energy of the 3rd house brings a sense of local community and a hometown vibe. It emphasizes communication, sharing ideas, and bouncing thoughts off one another.Because of this, the 3rd house is ideal for friendships, as it creates a lighthearted, engaging, and socially active connection.

(The third house is another place where you can meet people, particularly in learning environments. This could include retreats, workshops, hobby classes (like candle-making), or even orientations at school or work. Essentially, any setting where learning takes place is a likely spot to meet someone whose planet falls into your third house.

For example, I once met someone whose Ascendant fell into my third house, and what’s interesting is that we met in a communication class in college. I always find that so fitting for third house energy. When we started talking, we really hit it off—we were texting 24/7, chatting constantly, and hanging out frequently. We’d go to local places like restaurants or ice cream shops, which is so typical of third house energy.

Our activities were very local: we’d attend festivals, events, bars, and clubs together. It wasn’t about long-distance travel; it was about enjoying day-to-day life in the same area. We’d gossip, share details about our daily lives, and even FaceTime when one of us went on vacation—she would literally show me her day in real time.

The third house energy also shaped the tone of our conversations. Since her Ascendant was in Aquarius, we often had open-ended discussions about the future, radical ideas, activism, and LGBTQ topics. This placement is fantastic for friendships—it’s the “bestie energy,” where you always want to hang out locally and talk endlessly. It’s the type of connection where you’re constantly saying, “Let’s go anywhere in town and just hang out.”)

4️⃣The 4th house, to me, is not really a good house for romance or friendship. The reason I say this is that for romance, the 4th house is about familiarity, but that familiarity doesn’t always feel good. It can be something like, “Oh, you remind me of home,” but what is home? That’s different for everyone. People come from all sorts of backgrounds, and what feels familiar to one person might be unhealthy. For some, home could mean toxic people, manipulators, narcissists, abusers, or individuals who lack compassion. Navigating the 4th house can be difficult because not everyone has a positive experience with familiarity. This house also focuses a lot on home life, and when it’s negatively afflicted, it can cause tension between you and this person’s family. Their family might not accept you, they could judge you, or it could simply create a dependent relationship. In friendships or romantic relationships, the 4th house can trigger old wounds, leading to feelings of being stuck, codependent, or bogged down.That said, if someone comes from a healthy, nurturing home environment and has a positive background, the 4th house can create a sense of comfort and security, especially if familiarity is what they’re seeking. However, most people are often looking for something different than their family or roots when they seek a partner or even a friend. They want something new and different. So, for many, the 4th house can be an afflicted house.

(In my experience with people whose planets fell into my fourth house, the relationship always felt like I already knew them. With fourth house energy, there’s this overwhelming sense of familiarity—you feel like you’ve met this person before, or they remind you of someone from your family or home life. It’s almost as if they embody the essence of your upbringing, and that familiarity can create an instant connection.

When you meet someone with planets in your fourth house, they might remind you of your family or your home life, making it feel like you can understand them easily. There’s a sense of relating to them on a deep level because they reflect so much of what you’ve already experienced.

However, what I don’t like about fourth house energy is how it mirrors so much of your home life and your past. The relationship tends to reflect your prior experiences, including your upbringing and relationships within your family. If your home life wasn’t healthy or was filled with challenges, this can be incredibly triggering.

For example, I grew up dealing with manipulation at home, and I met someone whose personal planet fell into my fourth house who was also very manipulative. Another person with this placement was extremely emotional, which mirrored the highly emotional environment I grew up in. Like me, this person had also grown up in an emotionally destabilized home and dealt with similar abuses. Relationships like these can create a trauma bond because you’re connecting over shared wounds and struggles from your past.

Of course, if you had a healthy and happy home life, this dynamic might feel completely different and positive. But when that’s not the case, it can feel overwhelming and even draining. Most of the fourth house relationships I’ve been in have felt familiar and similar to me, but that similarity wasn’t always a good thing. At times, it felt like it hindered the relationship because it didn’t foster growth or bring anything new to the table.

The fourth house energy often brings relationships that reflect what you’re used to. But I think most people, myself included, are usually looking for something different—something outside of their comfort zone and past experiences. Fourth house relationships tend to repeat patterns from the past or bring people who are too similar to you.

For instance, I tend to avoid confrontation when I have issues, and I can be quite passive. I met someone whose planet fell into my fourth house, and they were exactly the same way. Instead of addressing problems, they just blocked me, which is something I’ve been guilty of doing as well.

People whose planets fall into your fourth house can act like a mirror, reflecting your past or your unresolved issues. They can be so similar to you that it becomes difficult to grow or create the kind of relationship you truly want. These relationships often feel like they have unresolved tension or lingering issues, and they don’t always foster a deep or fulfilling connection.)

5️⃣ To me, the 5th house is all about romance. Some people often talk about how the 5th house is fleeting, but you have to understand that they only attribute that perception because they’re projecting their own idea of romance onto the 5th house. The 5th house represents the type of romance you see in the movies, where someone gives you flowers, shows up for dates, writes love letters, and you’re going to different places together, enjoying time with each other. It’s the kind of romance where you’re so in love and captivated with one another, always wanting to be around each other, bringing each other happiness. You smile more when you’re together, and life just feels better because you’re doing things you love, inspired by the other person. The 5th house is a deeply romantic house. I don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “Oh, it’s not long-lasting.” I think people often say that because they’re projecting their own idea of romance onto it. But the 5th house brings that idealized, cheesy romance—the kind where you write each other love letters, poems, or even sing to each other. It’s giving gifts, roses, and all the Pinterest-worthy relationship moments. That’s the energy the 5th house brings.When you see an artsy couple painting together, that’s 5th house energy. When you see a couple who’s always laughing, giggling, and having fun, that’s 5th house energy. And when you see a couple who can’t keep their hands off each other, always touching and feeling on each other, that’s 5th house energy too. It’s a house that brings a fun, playful, and passionate vibe to relationships.

( The people whose personal planets fall in my fifth house always make everything feel like a fun time, where the focus is really just on fun, romance, and romantic things. Even with my sister, whose personal planet falls in my fifth house, we are really close. She’s done so many romantic things for me, like giving me romantic gifts, and we’re affectionate with each other. We write each other long paragraphs, compliment each other, and do fun things together. We try out hobbies like planting plants, doing artwork, and doing makeup together. We just have so much fun—we laugh together and always watch these dramatic shows, which is such fifth house energy.

Even in friendships, the fifth house energy makes things so enjoyable. You’re always going out to eat, doing things that make you laugh, and creating memories together. You’re really loyal to each other and don’t want that loyalty to ever break. You go on a lot of dates and genuinely have fun. My ex, whose personal planet also fell into my fifth house, and I did the same things. We’d go to Dave & Buster’s to have fun, ride scooters all around town, and spend hours on FaceTime joking and laughing. We’d go out to eat together, enjoying food, and listen to music together. We wanted to start things together like hobbies. He’d write me love letters, send me paragraphs expressing his love, and dedicate songs to me. We had songs that were “ours.” He’d get me flowers and buy me gifts, things he didn’t do for other girls. He was so deeply in love with me and wanted to do all the cheesy and romantic things.

Fifth house energy is truly needed—it makes you feel so attracted to each other. You just appreciate each other so much, and giving gifts, compliments, and doing romantic things comes effortlessly. Even in friendships, you’re always ready to have a good time. You really become besties because you enjoy each other that much.)

6️⃣Again, I know a lot of people romanticize certain houses, but the 6th house is not one to romanticize. The 6th house is a boring house. It is not about romance. I think it’s a good house to have in your relationship with your parents. If you have a parent with a 6th house placement, it can make them a great, responsible parent to you. The 6th house handles day-to-day routines, work, goals, projects, responsibilities, and health. So, yes, if you have a relationship with your parent that involves the 6th house, that’s fine.However, you don’t want to have a friendship in the 6th house. It leads to a boring friendship—one that you probably have because you work together or attend school together. It’s a friendship that’s likely to fizzle out because, outside of the goal or task you’re working on, it lacks depth and becomes dull. It also requires a lot of work. With a parent and child, the 6th house is somewhat inevitable because parenting is a lot of work. But in a friendship or romantic relationship, if it requires too much work, it can cause strain. It can make you feel miserable, as if there’s no romance in the relationship.There’s also a level of service and duty in the 6th house. You might even feel obligated to the other person. That’s why I said the 6th house is best for parent-child relationships. In that dynamic, you’re more likely to feel obligated, but in a friendship or romance, it can feel burdensome.

(The sixth house is really a boring placement for me. I know a couple of people whose personal planets fall into my sixth house, and there’s always this sense of boredom. I feel like they’re boring, and I want more fun, adventure, and excitement, but they just can’t provide that for me. That’s what the sixth house is—it has a very dry energy, and it often comes with a feeling of obligation and work. You might feel obligated to these people, even if you genuinely don’t want to do things with them. You might still feel like, “Oh, I just have to do this for this person,” or, “Let me just suck it up and go hang out with them,” because that’s the energy they bring.

One thing I’ve noticed is that there are often really boring periods in the relationship where nothing exciting is happening. All your hangouts feel really dry—maybe you don’t have much to talk about or share. You’re only talking about your job or your goals, and there’s nothing else you’re really discussing. People with a sixth house placement will talk a lot about work, responsibilities, and their goals. There’s rarely any deep or fun conversation. A lot of these people focus on education or other serious topics, which adds to the boring feel.

Also, with sixth house energy, these are the kind of people who might give you only what they can offer, rather than meeting your expectations. You might expect more romance, fun, or excitement, but they’ll just give you, “Oh, let’s hang out and do this,” and nothing else is really planned. I had one person whose personal planet fell in my sixth house, and they were so boring to talk to—it was just a snooze fest. Another person, I always felt like I never had fun around them. Everything just felt dry. Communication can be deep in some aspects, but I feel like a lot of what they want to do is super boring and routine. They really just want to stick to their routine, and that’s what I don’t like about people whose personal planets fall into your sixth house—they’re unwilling to break out of their routine. You have to adjust to their routine, and if it’s someone in your family, you’re going to feel heavily obligated to them. You may not even care to be around them, but you still feel like you have to stick around and do things for them.)

7️⃣ The seventh house represents the quintessential romance that we are told about—opposites attract, and you find someone who completes you. The whole idea of the seventh house is that you meet someone who complements you, someone who makes you feel loved and makes everything in your life more meaningful. The seventh house is about opposites attracting. You come to this earth with only a certain amount of traits, attributes, or space for yourself, and then you find a partner who completes that picture for you. So, the seventh house is all about finding a soulmate. To me, the seventh house really indicates soulmate energy—the energy of your other half, the energy of what we could even call a twin flame. That’s the energy I get from the seventh house.For example, if you’re an Aries Rising, the seventh house would be Libra for you. In saying that, the seventh house is Libra for you, meaning Aries holds a certain energy opposite to Libra, and Libra holds a certain energy opposite to Aries. When they come together, they almost become complementary. The passive and the assertive unite to create a wholesome picture.When you think about the seventh house, you think about people bringing different qualities. You think about Libra bringing the romance, flowers, and all the beautiful romantic things. You think about Aries as the provider, the protector, the person who takes care of the house, makes sure the bills are paid, and makes decisions. It’s a traditional type of relationship that you get with the seventh house.For some people, they prefer the romance of the fifth house, but I would say the seventh house is more about a traditional relationship. It’s where the woman is more submissive and the man takes on the role of the head or the leader of the house. The seventh house energy suggests that we have roles that we’re assigned and we play, and that’s how we navigate our relationship. The seventh house is about courtship—the person you’re with courts you. It follows the traditional steps, like courting, proposing, getting married, and living happily ever after.

(People forget that your 7th house is based on your rising sign, not your sun sign. A lot of people will say, “Oh, I couldn’t go with this type of person based on their sun sign,” but it’s based on your rising. Every person I’ve met whose personal planet fell into my 7th house has had a crush on me. They’ve been interested, thought I was attractive, and enjoyed our conversations. I’ve had two people whose planets fell into my 7th house, and yes, they did find me attractive, but at the same time, they got really into me when we were talking. Just being able to have discussions with me drew them in even more. I feel like a lot of them thought I was the perfect person for them or the “good girl” for them.

I feel like 7th house energy represents someone feeling like you’re the right person for them. With friendships, it’s that type of bond where the other person really understands you. I had someone whose personal planet fell into my 7th house, and I felt like they truly understood me. They easily grasped my perspective, and I also felt like they were my vibe. I like to talk a lot, and they liked to talk a lot too—we just clicked.

7th house friendships can be really fun. Every time someone I’m around lands in my 7th house with any planet, they always want to talk to me. They get curious about me, feel like I’m a good person, and are drawn to the positive elements of me. I feel like people with a personal planet in my 7th house really like me. That’s what you often get—an affinity for you, even if you’re just friends. If you’re in a relationship, they always kind of like you. Even if you’re different, they’re interested in those differences. They don’t shy away from them; in fact, the differences pull them in. )

8️⃣Unlike the 5th and 7th houses—where the 5th house represents cheesy, romantic, fun couple goals, and the 7th house represents the traditional couple that leads to marriage—the 8th house represents the deep couple. Imagine a couple that has long, meaningful conversations, getting to know each other on a level most others don’t, where they can read each other’s minds and pick up on cues without speaking.Imagine a relationship where you can have tantric intimacy, or where just being around each other creates a sense of arousal. Picture a bond so strong that you feel like a ride-or-die partner, with unshakable loyalty to the deepest degree. No matter what happens, you remain devoted to this person, willing to go through thick and thin, hell and high waters, as long as you’re together. This is the type of person you would fight for—literally. It’s the kind of relationship where you protect your partner to the highest degree, never allowing anyone to disrespect them. That’s 8th house energy.The 8th house energy is staying up late, talking for hours about each other’s lives, bonding over past experiences, traumas, fears, and the most vulnerable parts of yourselves. It’s the kind of relationship where you can stare into each other’s eyes and see straight into each other’s souls. This type of relationship teaches you so much about yourself, both inside and outside the bedroom. It’s a bond where you trust your partner so deeply that you share things with them you wouldn’t with anyone else—your secrets, your money, your entire self.The 8th house energy is not for everyone, just as 7th house energy isn’t for everyone. The 8th house demands a level of depth, vulnerability, rawness, authenticity, and intimacy that touches every aspect of the relationship. It’s not a surface-level bond. It’s not the type of relationship you post about online for the aesthetic. Instead, it’s the type where you pour your heart out, writing five-page letters detailing every reason you love this person.The 8th house energy can feel so intertwined that when your partner goes through something, it feels like you’re going through it too. At times, the intensity can become overwhelming, leading to moments when you feel the need to take a step back and catch your breath. These relationships often experience heated arguments and deeply emotional highs and lows. Yet, despite the challenges, this is the type of relationship that fosters immense growth. It’s the ultimate catalyst for personal and relational evolution.

(Be prepared for deep bonds when someone’s personal planets are in your eighth house. Every person I’ve had dealings with whose personal planet is in my eighth house has resulted in a deep relationship. Usually, what happens is that if you’re dealing with someone of a gender you’re attracted to, there’s automatically a lot of focus on intimacy. That comes to the forefront, and it’s something that isn’t always talked about, but the eighth house brings up raw, primal energy—those suppressed desires. When you’re around that person, you just really want to unleash them. It also gives you this perspective of navigating intense emotions and channeling them into physical intimacy.

With friendships, the relationships are very deep, with a lot of loyalty. You can easily talk about deep topics quickly, often diving into trauma bonding. You discuss your fears and vulnerabilities, and you may feel more open to talk about things you normally wouldn’t. But with other people, especially in romantic dynamics, the eighth house energy can also be fearful and uncertain. You may not know if you can trust the person, and sometimes those bonds never fully develop because there’s a lack of trust. Trust issues often arise with eighth house energy.

I’ve had eighth house energy with people where I could talk to them on the phone for hours. With this energy, when you’re around them, you can feel their emotions. It creates an empathetic bond, especially depending on the sign it’s in. I’ve also noticed that eighth house energy prompts you to confront your trauma or unpack your issues. So, a lot of talking about personal struggles, trauma, and vulnerabilities happens. It creates a very ride-or-die relationship—you might hate the person one minute and love them the next, but there’s a loyalty that remains. It’s a very passionate relationship, and there’s a lot of passion shared between you.

What I’ve noticed in eighth house relationships is that they often go through cycles. You may be super close, then fall off, and then come back together. You’ll never really forget someone whose planet falls in your eighth house, or vice versa. They’re the type of person you think about deeply, even if things are no longer happening. These relationships can get overwhelming at times, and you may need space from each other. At some point, stepping back from the situation is necessary. Money often comes into play with eighth house energy—either the person doesn’t want to spend on you, they’re going through a financial crisis, you need money, or you end up loaning them money. Money is always somehow tied to eighth house relationships.)

9️⃣The 9th house is not typically seen as an ideal house to share with someone in a relationship. It often represents distance, usually physical distance. Whether the relationship is with a family member, a friend, or a lover, there’s likely to be some physical separation involved. At some point, you may find yourselves apart due to opportunities for personal growth, education, or differing life paths—such as one person moving to a new city while the other stays behind. This distance can create challenges and make the relationship feel tricky to navigate.Another aspect of 9th house relationships is the potential for arguments and conflicts, especially when it comes to philosophies, beliefs, and education. Everyone has their own perspective, and if these perspectives clash, it can lead to constant disagreements. For example, if you and the other person have opposing beliefs, the relationship may turn into a cycle of asserting your viewpoints without finding common ground. This might look like one person being Christian and the other Muslim, which can create difficulties in navigating shared values. Or it could be a dynamic where one person is highly spiritual while the other is deeply religious, like a mother forcing religion on a child who leans more toward spirituality. In romantic relationships, differing beliefs can also show up in lifestyle choices, such as one partner favoring traditional provider roles while the other prefers a 50-50 partnership. These clashes over philosophies can make the relationship feel strained. However, if both people share similar beliefs, the 9th house energy can foster open discussions, thoughtful debates, and mutual growth. It becomes a space for diving deep into shared values, exploring ideas, and expanding together. This mutual understanding can make the energy of the 9th house productive and rewarding. The challenges of the 9th house also include the physical distance that often arises. Travel may be necessary to see each other, and the lack of physical closeness can take away from the intimacy of the relationship. Additionally, the 9th house often focuses on growth and expansion, which can mean that personal journeys take precedence over the relationship itself. One person may prioritize their personal development or career, while the other might not, creating a mismatch in priorities.In summary, while the 9th house can provide opportunities for intellectual growth and shared exploration when beliefs align, it often comes with challenges like physical distance, differing philosophies, and an emphasis on individual journeys over the relationship. In my personal perspective, it’s not the easiest placement for building a strong, intimate connection.

(I’ve had two relationships with people whose personal planets fell in my ninth house, and what I can tell you is that, at some point, there’s going to be distance. At some point, it’s going to be long distance, and you’ll have to decide which path you want to go on: do you want to stay together, or are you growing apart? Ninth house energy often leads to relationships where you just grow apart. You get together initially, share common philosophies, outlooks, perspectives, and beliefs, but then you grow apart as you’re on different paths, and it no longer aligns.

In both of those relationships, there were clearly two different belief systems, and I feel like that’s usually what happens with ninth house placements. It typically means that you come from two different backgrounds. For the first person, I wasn’t religious, but they were. For the second person, we had different upbringings—I grew up in apartments with both parents, and they grew up in a house with a single mother. Just two different lifestyles. Both of these people had different beliefs from mine, and it created a lot of tension because we had conflicting belief systems and perspectives. That was a big struggle for me.

Ninth house relationships can sometimes feel like you’re longing for something you’re not getting. You’re yearning for something, and it’s more about hope than reality. Another thing I’ve noticed in ninth house relationships is that they tend to occur when you’re going through a period of growth, challenges, or transition—when you’re moving on to the next chapter. You often meet these people when you need someone to pull you out of your circumstances or give you a new perspective. You might meet them when you’re more closed-minded, struggling, or isolated. But what I’ve found is that these relationships are often meant to help you in the moment, and then, at some point, you break up and move on because they don’t last forever, on and off again relationship)

1️⃣0️⃣To me, the 10th house is not a good house for anything other than work. It functions well in a professional setting because, in the workplace, there’s an inherent understanding and acceptance of authority. You expect to have a manager, boss, or supervisor—someone above you in the hierarchy, such as a CEO. Even if you dislike your manager or supervisor, you generally respect the roles and the structure. This hierarchy makes sense in the context of work, but when it comes to friendships and romantic relationships, the dynamics become trickier. The 10th house works better in a parent-child relationship. For example, having a 10th house placement with your mother or father can be beneficial. They can provide structure, guidance, and support in making decisions about your education, career, and other life matters. Parents in this placement can help you build discipline and make strategic choices. However, in any other relationship, particularly romantic or platonic, the 10th house tends to introduce issues like power imbalances, abuse of authority, narcissism, and overly critical or forceful behavior. This house can easily become afflicted and detrimental.In romantic relationships, authority is not a desirable dynamic unless you’re someone who explicitly seeks a traditional structure, such as a woman looking for a man to be the provider, leader, or authority figure. However, in modern times, many people don’t want that kind of dynamic in their relationships, and as a result, 10th house placements in romance often create friction. Additionally, the 10th house focuses heavily on public image—how you’re perceived by the world around you. This can lead to relationships or friendships that look perfect on the surface but are completely different behind closed doors.For example, a romantic couple with 10th house energy might appear polished and ideal to the outside world—they dress well, present themselves as successful, and seem like the “it couple.” But privately, their relationship could be riddled with conflict, domestic violence, or toxicity. Think about Beyoncé and Jay-Z: they were seen as the ultimate power couple, but behind the scenes, they faced challenges that tarnished that perfect image. Similarly, a 10th house friendship might look like two people who are inseparable and deeply connected, but in reality, they talk down to each other, bully one another, or even blackmail each other. The public perception is completely at odds with the truth. When the 10th house energy is working positively, it might involve mutual support to achieve success or maintaining a strong public image together. However, even in its best form, it lacks depth and intimacy. It’s more about external appearances and worldly accomplishments than genuine emotional connection. For this reason, I don’t see the 10th house as conducive to romantic relationships. Its focus on power dynamics, public image, and superficial success often overshadows the qualities that make a partnership meaningful.

(In the relationships I’ve had with people whose personal planets fall in my 10th house, one being a romantic relationship and the other a friendship, I’ve noticed a pattern. The person with the planets in my 10th house often idealizes you for your appearance or public image, even before they get to know you. They might be attracted to you simply because you’re pretty, have a nice style, or present yourself well. It’s not in a dreamy, Piscean way, but more in a superficial, external way—they want to be part of your life because of how you look or what you represent.

For example, the first guy I dated with personal planets in my 10th house thought I was attractive and liked my style, but he focused more on how we looked as a couple and wanted to present a perfect image. He would tell everyone how much he loved me, but behind closed doors, he treated me terribly. He was rude, critical, and even talked to other women. The second guy was similar, but in this case, he made me look good publicly, like we were close friends, but secretly had a crush on me. Eventually, he started expressing his feelings, and everything turned awkward.

What I’ve learned is that 10th house relationships can be very mismatched. What’s presented to the public isn’t always what’s happening behind the scenes. You might look good on the outside, but your relationship could be falling apart, or vice versa. There’s often a disconnect between how things are presented to others and what’s really going on privately.)

1️⃣1️⃣To me, the 11th house is really just a house for friends. It can also work well in parenting, especially as the parent-child relationship evolves and the child gets older. With 11th house energy, a parent might be more accepting, allowing their child to fully embrace who they are. This house also functions well in a work environment, where you’re collaborating with people you respect, find intriguing, and genuinely enjoy being around. That kind of energy makes for a great professional setting. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, the 11th house doesn’t feel romantic to me. Unless you’re looking for something unconventional—like a friends-with-benefits situation, a sneaky link, or a polyamorous relationship such as a thruple—the 11th house is not ideal for romance. This house gives off a vibe of I like being around you, but I don’t want any strings attached. Some people argue that 11th house energy represents “besties to lovers,” but I disagree. Synergy in a romantic relationship is something that typically exists from the beginning and continues throughout the relationship. I don’t believe it starts as friendship and then grows into something deeper. Instead, 11th house relationships often lead to situationships. For example, when someone says, We’ve been talking for three months, but they haven’t brought up commitment, that could be a result of 11th house energy. It tends to avoid true commitment and romance, sticking instead to a friendship-like dynamic. In our modern culture, when you’re dealing with someone you’re physically attracted to, this energy might naturally lead to intimacy, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it will lead to commitment. If you share 11th house placements with someone, it’s important to recognize that the relationship will likely be unconventional. That’s just the nature of the 11th house—it prioritizes friendship and camaraderie over romantic spark.For example, have you ever seen a couple who are so alike in personality that they seem more like friends? They can laugh, goof around, and have a great time together, but imagining them being romantically intimate feels almost impossible because their energy is so platonic. That’s 11th house energy. It’s the type of connection where someone might say, We’re sneaky links; we hang out late at night, but I’m not trying to commit to this long term. Couples with 11th house energy might describe each other as my best friend, not necessarily because they’re deeply in love but because that’s exactly how they view each other—as best friends. This is the person they talk to about everything, the person who gets them like no one else. While that dynamic can be valuable in a relationship, I don’t personally see it as romantic. It feels more like a friendship with an unconventional twist, rather than a deep, lifelong romantic partnership.

( People with personal planets in my 11th house feel like good friends to me. One relationship I had, I felt like it messed up the romantic part because I just wanted to be friends and be intimate whenever we felt like it. That’s the energy the 11th house brings—it’s very friendly.

We shared common interests, like nature, traveling, good food, and psychology. Another person I knew had similar interests, like anime, photography, and activism. I’ve found friendships with 11th house people are easy to develop because we click right away. It’s also the kind of unconventional friendship where the person might be a bit “weird” or have niche interests.

In romantic relationships with 11th house people, I’ve never been able to stay in them. Even when a friend wanted to try a romantic relationship, it felt like we were just better off as friends. The connection felt more like friendship than romance, and that’s how I’ve felt in all 11th house relationships. Even with someone I was in an actual relationship with, it felt more like a friendship than a romance. We shared interests, had fun together, and talked a lot—often through online mediums. I met one person online, and we communicated a lot this way. So, relationships with 11th house people tend to be more about friendship and shared experiences.)

1️⃣2️⃣The 12th house is a controversial house because it represents many things that can easily be misunderstood. It is undeniably a romantic house because all the water houses are inherently romantic. Water represents emotions, depth, and the connections that bond us together through shared emotional experiences. Romance, at its core, is built on emotions—falling in love and staying in love are deeply emotional processes. However, the 12th house can be difficult to navigate because we live in a concrete, practical world. We’re expected to work, go to school, and handle daily responsibilities, which often strips away the romantic energy to begin with. The 12th house is especially challenging because it represents a spiritual kind of love, and many people don’t focus on spirituality in their daily lives. Instead, they’re preoccupied with the practical.Additionally, our cultural ideas about romance—such as courting, dating, talking stages, and following a linear progression to commitment—don’t align with 12th house energy. This energy doesn’t follow those parameters. If you’re looking for a relationship that fits into your physical, practical day-to-day life, 12th house energy might feel out of place or even disruptive. This is why some people with 12th house energy in their relationships may end up having secret affairs. For example, someone who doesn’t have time for romance in their primary relationship might seek out a secret connection to fulfill that desire for something mystical and boundless. The 12th house is a house without boundaries, concreteness, or structure, which can lead to things like secret love affairs or deception. However, people often misunderstand what 12th house energy truly is. It’s a spiritual love, a telepathic connection. It’s when you meet someone and feel like you can read their mind. It’s when you feel an inexplicable familiarity, as though you’ve known them in a past life. It’s soulmate energy, often tied to karmic lessons and spiritual growth. This is the type of love where you might dream about each other before even meeting or have dreams that predict the circumstances of your first encounter. It’s a connection where you feel deeply attuned to one another’s energy, where simply being in each other’s presence feels like entering another dimension. Words often fail to capture the depth of this connection because it’s not a verbal or physical relationship—it’s intuitive and telepathic. This type of bond is reflected in relationships where couples explore spirituality together. They might meditate for hours, burn incense, study astrology, or discuss esoteric topics. It’s a relationship that transcends the physical and focuses on the soul. You see past each other’s flaws and physical appearance, loving the person’s essence unconditionally. In a 12th house relationship, you often want to escape from the world together. This isn’t a connection where you want to be surrounded by crowds or in busy, chaotic environments. Instead, you crave solitude with this person—whether that’s staying at home, retreating to a cabin in the woods, or finding some secluded, peaceful place to be together. Even intimacy in this relationship feels deeper than the physical. It’s about unlocking parts of your subconscious and evolving together. You help each other discover more about yourselves, exploring hidden facets of your being and diving into the depths of your soul. The 12th house often leads to relationships where you avoid focusing on practical matters. Instead, you want to engage in hobbies, dance, play, or simply escape reality together. This avoidance of the practical is what makes the 12th house dangerous for romance—it lacks boundaries and isn’t rooted in the physical world. It’s boundless, spiritual, and open, which can feel both freeing and unsettling. Ultimately, the 12th house is about a love that transcends reality, existing in a realm of its own.

( Relationships where someone’s personal planet falls in my 12th house are really hard to manage. Often, you’re not even prepared for what that relationship brings. I had an ex with their personal planet in my 12th house, and we kept coming together. There was so much between us—he’d walk me to the train station, call me all the time, and we were great with intimacy. But I had intense feelings I couldn’t understand. That’s the thing with 12th house energy—it’s confusing. You can love someone deeply and feel close to them, but sometimes the lines blur, and you can’t figure out how you really feel. The 12th house energy is internal, spiritual, and psychological, not as physical. Sometimes, you feel so close to someone, yet distant at the same time. There’s a lot of weirdness in these relationships. You end up talking about things you’ve never discussed with others, and sometimes you find yourself attracted to the person in a way you’re not used to. You care deeply, but it’s hard to express that care. This energy also requires a lot of alone time. You feel like you can only truly be yourself with each other. When you’re around other people, you act differently. It can be a very private relationship where you don’t share many details about each other or the connection. The relationship just happens, and you keep it to yourselves. There can be weird tension when you’re together, as it feels like you’re picking up on each other’s emotions without knowing how to interpret them. Trust issues often come up, and the energy can feel confusing. In one situation, I literally thought, “This is my soulmate,” but at the same time, I felt the need to get away from him. It’s a confusing, isolated energy. These relationships do best when they exist in their own world, but trying to bring others into it can cause problems. There’s a lot of love and care in 12th house connections, but it’s not always easy for others to understand.)

💜My favorite aspects in synastry are trines and oppositions. The reason I love trines is that they come naturally. There’s nothing you need to do in the relationship to create that element—it simply exists when you’re with this person. It’s like being with your mom, who naturally wants to make food for you, nourish you, and pamper you. You don’t have to ask her every day, “Can you make me food?” She just comes home, whips up a pot, and serves it to you. That’s the energy of a trine—effortless, nurturing, and harmonious. Oppositions, on the other hand, remind me of a defiant child. For example, a child might insist on touching a hot stove despite their parent’s warnings. They’re so set in their thoughts and feelings that they ignore the warning, touch the stove, and get burned. Then the parent says, “I told you so.” Oppositions are about growth. They challenge you to expand your perspective and adapt to new ways of thinking, feeling, and living. For example, a naturally passive person might enter a relationship with someone assertive. While the passive individual may have always “gotten away” with their passivity, this relationship teaches them that they must assert themselves at times. They learn a life lesson through this dynamic. That’s why I appreciate oppositions—they foster personal development and growth.Now, sextiles are not my favorite because they feel underutilized. To me, sextiles are like having a talent or hobby you enjoy, such as digital art. You love creating digital art, but you’re too busy with responsibilities to actually pursue it. A sextile is similar—it’s an energy that doesn’t naturally show up in a relationship unless you consciously decide to activate it. That can be frustrating, especially if life is too chaotic or busy to make use of the potential. You might experience small glimpses of the energy, but it doesn’t fully manifest, leaving you feeling unfulfilled.As for squares, I don’t like them because they feel overly contentious. Squares remind me of a Karen—the type of person you see in viral videos, arguing with strangers in public or refusing to learn, change, or compromise. They’re stuck in their ways, and no amount of reasoning or problem-solving will get through to them. Instead, they escalate situations, creating unnecessary tension and conflict. In a relationship, a square feels like constant resistance, drama, and pushback. It’s exhausting and difficult to navigate, which is why I avoid squares as much as possible.

💚I think it’s important to also look at the aspects and the signs involved. A lot of people might say something like, “Oh, my Venus conjuncts my partner’s Venus!” but overlook the fact that both Venuses are in Gemini. If you’re looking for that romantic, ooey-gooey love story, and your Venuses are conjunct in Gemini, well, it’s not the same as you might expect. Gemini isn’t a traditionally romantic sign. It’s a sign that focuses on duality, intellect, versatility, creativity, and sociability—it’s not centered on romance.If your Venus is conjunct someone else’s Venus, but it’s in a sign that values intellect and versatility over deep emotional connection, what does that mean for your relationship? And more importantly, is that what you want in a relationship? That’s why I don’t place a lot of weight on conjunctions alone. For instance, if your Venus is conjunct someone else’s Venus in Pisces or Cancer, that’s different because those are more emotionally-centered, romantic signs. But if your Venus is conjunct in Aquarius, for example, Aquarius represents innovation, progressiveness, and community. Sure, you both might value free thinking, but that doesn’t necessarily translate to romance.When analyzing a chart, you need to consider the signs, not just the aspects like conjunctions, trines, or sextiles. The signs tell you how the energy of the aspect will manifest. Otherwise, you might enter a relationship thinking, “We have so many romantic aspects!” only to realize that they���re not as romantic as you thought when you dig deeper. For example, let’s say your Mercury is in Aries and your partner’s Mercury is in Libra. This creates an opposition. You might immediately think, “Oh no, we’re going to argue all the time.” And yes, that can be true. Most people don’t know how to navigate relationships, whether interpersonal or romantic, in a healthy way. Many people are still maturing, learning, and, honestly, in need of therapy. So yes, even a single opposition can create tension in your relationship because as a species, we’re not always emotionally evolved enough to handle relationships harmoniously from the start.If you’re naturally fast to speak and your partner is slow and methodical, that opposition will come up again and again in conversations. It’s inevitable. But that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed—it just means that oppositions highlight areas where growth and compromise are necessary. Relationships are part of our evolutionary process, and most of what we learn about ourselves happens through those challenges. That’s why I don’t believe in a perfect synastry chart. Do I think there are synastry charts that favor romance and foster loving, emotionally deep, and physically intimate relationships? Absolutely. But people often romanticize aspects like “His Venus conjuncts my Venus—he’s my soulmate!” without considering the nuances. For example, if both Venuses are in Leo, you might struggle with pride and ego clashes, constantly feeling like the other person is wrong and you’re right. That kind of energy requires work and self-awareness.In synastry, it’s crucial to acknowledge that as humans, we’re still evolving emotionally. Relationships will inevitably reflect tricky elements from the chart. And no matter how many positive aspects exist, challenging ones like oppositions will have an impact. It’s up to us to decide whether we’re willing to grow through those challenges or not.

💘 Lastly, some people’s charts simply aren’t geared toward romance, so their relationships are going to look a bit different. For instance, there are people with very heavy Earth charts. Earth energy is practical and focused on everyday life, routine, work, and responsibilities—it’s not naturally inclined toward romance. The same applies to Air signs. Air signs prioritize intellect, communication, and social connections over traditional romantic gestures. In contrast, Fire and Water signs tend to be more romantic, at least from my perspective. People with strong Fire and Water placements crave romance. They want the cheesy, heartfelt gestures. They’re drawn to passion, intimacy, and the idea of partnership. Fire and Water individuals often seek traditional or deeply emotional connections. On the other hand, someone with a heavy Air chart might not want a traditional relationship. They may prefer a bond centered on intellectual connection or friendship rather than emotional depth or physical closeness. Similarly, someone with a heavy Earth chart may desire a relationship but also value personal space. They might not be interested in moving in together or merging every aspect of their lives.

💛This is why it’s so important to understand both your own needs and the needs of the other person. For example, I have a water-based chart, so I need that emotional connection. I also have a fire influence, which means I crave passion and excitement. Not everyone is going to need or value the same things in a relationship. Before diving into synastry, it’s helpful to ask the other person questions like:

• Do you care about romance?

• How do you feel about commitment?

• Do you want to get married someday?

• Are you looking for a soulmate?

• How deep do you want love to be in your life?

• In friendships, what do you value most? Hobbies? Going to events? Daily conversations?

These questions can reveal a lot about someone’s priorities and expectations. When you pair that with synastry, it becomes easier to see how a relationship might play out. Sometimes, what people call “unrequited love” is just a mismatch in romantic inclinations. For instance, there’s this growing sentiment that men aren’t courting women as much anymore, but I think a lot of men just aren’t naturally romantic. These might be men who don’t see the value in grand gestures like flowers or serenades. Instead, they express commitment by simply being present or spending time together—but they’re not especially affectionate or expressive. Looking at a person’s chart can give insight into this. If you’re dating someone with the Moon in Aquarius, can you really expect the same level of romanticism as someone with a Moon in Pisces? Or if someone has a Pisces rising, they may approach love with sensitivity and idealism, whereas a Capricorn rising might prioritize pragmatism and stability over emotional expression.I once knew someone who valued friendships far more than romantic relationships. He was mainly interested in physical intimacy and wasn’t emotionally invested in long-term commitments. Understanding these differences is crucial when dating. You need to ask yourself:

• Am I okay with someone who’s more focused on casual connections?

• Or am I looking for a deep, long-term commitment?

Thank you for viewing my post💛👋

[ghostlyferrettarot]

💌The 7th house and the signs💌

❗️All the observations in this post are based on personal experience and research, it's completely fine if it doesn't resonate with everyone❗️

✨️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) (Open).

🫧Join my Patreon for exclusive content!🫧

💐If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!💐

🌸Masterlist🌸

💕7th house in Aries: This individuals are looking for fun and independence in a relationship, they bring fun and excitement and expect the same from their partner. This people like the chase, they like a challange, it makes them feel passionate about the person. Aries 7th house had boundaries and won't sacrifice themselves in order to please others, it's a ride or die situation; you love them fully or go.

💕Taurus 7th house: This individuals love stability and security in all aspects when it comes to relationships. They are selective partners and knows how to protect their energy. This people like to be pamper, you need to show them love and treat them like the goddess/god they are. With them it's all about grounding and loving energy.

💕Gemini 7th house: This individuals look for intellectual and communicative understanding in partners. They need someone who understands and communicates with them. Gemini 7th house won't wait for anyone, if they want you, they will say it; they are open with what they want and expect the same in return.

💕Cancer 7th house: This individuals look for emotional understanding. Cancer 7th house is really understanding and nurturing and want the same from their partners; for them is all about the emotional connection they can built with their desired person, this people don't want vanal interactions.

💕Leo 7th house: This individuals love dramatic and passionates relationships. They a are a star and they know their worth; they won't settle from less than their standards. They feel drawn to ambitious and bright individuals, people who are not afraid to be themselves and put on a show for them.

💕Virgo 7th house: This individuals want grounding and practical energies. They value efficiency and analitycal skills, people who are in the same level as them. This people love ambition and want a partner with clear goals; they won't settle for someone who doesn't want to better themselves.

💕Libra 7th house: This individuals look for balance and harmony. They don't like conflicts and discussions; they need to feel safe and at peace with their partner as well as authentic. Libra 7th house are drawn to giving and humble people, those who are diplomatics or do humanitarian work of some kind.

💕Scorpio 7th house: This individuals love intensity and depth in connections. They are not afraid to explore and tap into their most intense emotions. Scorpios 7th house are mysterious and transformative partners; they will make you explore the in depths of your souls. This individuals are drawn to those who are not afraid of being challenged and have poweful minds and spirits.

💕Sagittarius 7th house: This individuals look for expansion and freedom in a relationships. They have an adventurous nature that makes them want to know as much as they can about the world and they expect their partner to understand this. Sagittarius 7th house doesn't settle for someone easily, many see them as a non-comitmment type; this is mainly because of their outgoing and curious personality that makes them want to explore all their options before settling down.

💕Capricorn 7th house: This individuals value Trust and commitment before anything else. They don't tolerate lies or mind games, Capricorns are clear about their feelings and want the same in return. They look significant others that want to level up, those who they can see themselves evolving and creating an empire of their own; they don't want hesitancy or confussion, their time is gold and they know it.

💕Aquarius 7th house: This individuals love authenticity and individuality in a partner. They look for those who are not afraid to speak and show their true selfs. Aquarius are attracted to those who are creatives, innovatives and unconventionals; they have an expansive and often misunderstood mind so they want to be understood and connect on a deeper level with those close to them.

💕Pisces 7th house: This individuals are romatics by nature. They look for compassionate partners, those who value their presence and make them feel like a fairytale. Pisces is a dreamy sign that knows how to love deeply, they are in love with love; this is why they want the same from their partnerts, they want to feel loved and care for as much as they do so.

[enchanted-moura]

🍰 Pick a Gift - Aphrodite's Seduction Bag💋✨🥥

Aphrodite has a seduction bag, well luxury diamante walk in closet full of magical tools she uses to help beautify other women & help them acquire money and escapades. Also for her own seductress adventures -she has the perfect perfume for every moment. She is known to be accompanied by an entourage who all specialize in various arts of beauty, sex, love, seduction and enchantment. Some of this include Peitho, Eros, the Nymphs and the Graces. This reading is to help find out what in her closet, she has for you to use to bring more blessings to your life.

Pile 1 - Louboutins🌿🌟

When Aphrodite came out of the ocean, flowers, trees, herbs and plants would blossom and grow as she walked gracefully on the land. You are like Aphrodite in her medicine woman form, the gorgeous herbalist concocting new oils, cosmetics, scrubs, lotions and butters. Your Seduction bag consists of soaps, baths, soaks, herbal infusions and candles. You use these tools to bring forth romantic lovers fine dining.  shopping sprees, lump sums, highly in demand beauty treatments and fun exhilarating experiences. Your lotions & potions get you there. If you want to start deepening your knowledge, try a relaxing bath infused with almond milk and a few drops of vanilla essential oil. You can also try making a body oil that makes you smell like a garden of exotic spices! 🌼💕

Pile 2 - Teddy

You are an extremely beautiful woman/person, so surreal. I see you on your beach runs and your makeup is always beautifully applied. This is my beach bunny pile and you represent the Aphrodite of the ocean shore.You inherently celebrate beauty, femininity, attraction and passion without restraints and inhibitions. In your seduction bag are tools dedicated to sea magic that you use to enchant - sexy beach fashions, water based beauty products like La Mer, sea shells, watery based perfumes, the purest drinking water, organic coconut oil, sand, sea salt and items with sea based colors. With your tools, you conjure an allure of beauty & serenity that enchants all. 🥥💦

Pile 3 - Bag

You're the beautiful doll that has the ideal routine, running on the beach, deluxe pink smoothies, a facial and a massage overlooking the ocean. You then put on your bodycon dress over your tiny red lingerie and tall peach stilettos. Then you partner it with your fave caramel scented bronzer for a real Malibu Babe look for your date. You are Aphrodite as a leisurely fashionista who is devoted to serving looks. You have a passion for fashion and fashion is a large part of your seduction bag. You may anoint your clothes and waist beads with incense, you may spray your closet with certain fragrances and use oud to perfume your inner most parts. Work your fashion as a tool to get everything you want, study more fashion books, the sciences and hidden meanings to it. Go out and slay🍯🍬

For more Healing Goodness - https://linktr.ee/dollyhealing🍫💎

[respectthepetty]

Wild Ass Theory - Pit Babe 2

I fucked up and didn't block the tag, so I know some stuff based on everyone's reactions to the trailer, but all I really got out of the reactions is Alan is still fine as hell, and if anything happens to him, I will riot.

I also know Barbie and Charles are going to get married, but I could figure that out from the light up ring box since it was shining so damn bright!

So now that I have watched the trailer, muted, and without subs, I'm here to report on what wild ass theory I came up with based solely on colors and vibes . . . starting with the blue.

Charles is a Blue Boy and Barbara is a Black Brooder, so the beginning of the trailer perfectly captures their love.

Because of Blue Boy Charles, Barbara was much lighter by the end of the first season, and that carries over into this season.

BUT in the scene where Charles leaves Barbie, he is fully black.

So my Wild Ass Theory is I don't think Barbie cheats on Charles. I think his darkness comes from making a deal with the devil.

A whole year ago, way back when a second season was announced with a teaser, I thought Tony was going to use Charles since Charles power was absorbing other powers, and in Jeffrey's visions, he saw Charles bleeding.

So knowing Barbie, he would do anything for his man, including going back to the dark (red) side.

The inside of Barbie's car is red, so I think he is even throwing races to protect Charles.

We know the devil is doing experiments on people, so he can figure out how to give them powers, but I think Charles will be the missing piece of his puzzle.

And this is clearly Blue Boy Charles hooked up for experiments in Peter's lab.

His Blue Boy power has to be the special link Tony is missing, right?!

Therefore, I don't think Barbie is sexually interested in the dark void named Willy, but is trying to get information out of Willy about Tony's plan for Charles.

BECAUSE I THINK WILLY ACTUALLY LIKES CHARLES!!!!!

Pink = 💕love💕 which is why Southwest Airlines and Vegas' Hedgehog are kissing underneath it, so I think instead of Willy being a horrible guy, he is basically going to be Waymond and Peter from last season, and just be an idiot in love who is willing to do dumb shit to get close to Charles like race him at night in little go-carts!

So I think Jeffrey is being sabotaged since he can see the future because the only person who would've told Barbie that Charles would be in trouble is Jeffrey.

Therefore, Tony snatches Alan and turns him into a demon (see the horns!!!!) to keep Jeffrey busy, so he won't fuck up his Charles plan.

But here is the thing — there is a lot of white in this trailer as if angels are coming through.

So Kentana has Kimberly and Alan has Jeffrey to save him.

In the previous trailer, I questioned if Southwest Airlines was going to do something funky to gain powers.

But for a boy that was pissing me off in the first season because he could not get his color together, he showed up in the announcement teaser in white, and now in this trailer he is in white, so I think Sonic will be the one to save North if shit goes south (Kimberly was also in white in the announcement trailer).

And even though I think Barbie is trying to save Charles from being used as an experimental lab rat for Tony, I think Charles will be the one to save Barbie, again, from the darkness.

But, more importantly, I think Waymond Christopher will save them all.

Peter, just like Kentana and Barbie, was always a Black Brooder because of his alignment with Tony, but Christopher is lighter than Waymond ever was.

So I think Christopher will be the one to lighten up Peter, and save the day because if they figure out that Charles is the key to everything while fucking, then everyone wins!

So I think there will be a lot of people sacrificing themselves for the others this season solely because there is soooo much white, and the last time someone wore white it was Waymond in the season one finale and he died protecting them!

So we have all these angels trying to rescue their men all because Black Brooder Barbie needs his Blue Boy Charles back safely.

And out of the clutches of darkness.

Let's see how much I'm clownin' when this premieres next month!

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

omg this just popped into my head and i desperately need it like i literally will not be able to stop thinking about it about it till it is written but, ethan landry x reader fic based on gods and monsters by lana del rey oml like it would be phenomenal… i don’t want it to incorporate the lyrics i just want it based on the idea of the song? but not about them being actual gods and monsters like to her ethan is a god. especially the lyrics “this is heaven, what i truly want. it’s innocence lost.”. basically reader is super innocent and ethan sees her as an angel and feels the need to ruin her and she sees him as a god and is obsessed with him. super smutty and him praising her and talking her through it. i know this was a lot but i am obsessed with your writing and i think if you wrote this it would be amazing, but only if you’re comfortable 🫶☺️

HI! I hope this was what you wanted. 💕

Gods & Monsters - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Summary: You're obsessed with Ethan and he's obsessed with you, but he'd dying to destroy your innocence.

Contains: Fluff-ish moments, Smut - Oral(m and f receiving), fingering, p in v, riding, rough-ish sex. Reader isn't a virgin but doesn't have a lot of experience.

A/N: This was one of the fics I lost the other day, and I'm so sad because I liked what I'd already written before. BUT I was determined to get this done lmao

You didn’t expect to fall so hard for Ethan Landry. What started as a small crush on one of your friends led to full-blown infatuation. Once you found yourself hanging off every word that slipped past his perfect lips, always making sure you were beside him whenever you’d go out with your friends, and even letting your grades slip a little just so you’d have the excuse to be alone with him to study, you realized how fucked you were. You didn’t care, though, because he’s everything you wanted.

He was tall, and very attractive. But what really sucked you in was the way he lit up whenever he talked to you about the things he was passionate about. The way his voice sounded first thing in the morning when you’d all spent the night at Tara’s. The way he ignored any other girls that looked in his direction, at least when he was with you.

Ethan was just as caught up in you as you were with him. The first night you walked into Tara’s, he could’ve sworn you were literally glowing. He thought you were the most gorgeous girl he’d ever seen, and once he talked to you and realized how sweet you were, he knew he had to make you his. He found himself daydreaming about taking you on dates, holding your hand, kissing you. But sometimes, his thoughts weren’t so innocent.

He knew you weren’t a virgin, but after a drunken game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ turned sexual, he learned that there were a lot of things you hadn’t done. He wanted to be the first, and hopefully only person you’d do those things with. He even went as far as wondering how you’d sound, the faces you’d make, how much of him you could take in your mouth before it was too much. He felt a little guilty from time to time for thinking about you in that way, because you were just so sweet. But the desire to destroy your innocence just kept getting stronger, no matter how hard he’d try to push those thoughts about you to the side.

The two of you shamelessly flirted with each other, so much that the rest of your friends thought there was something more going on than there was. It wasn’t uncommon for Ethan to pull you into his lap whenever there wasn’t an empty seat available beside him, or for the two of you to be so caught up in your own conversations that you’d forget your friends were even there. He wanted to take things to the next level, but he’d always get nervous and shut down whenever he got close to kissing you.

You lived down the hall from Tara, which made it so convenient for you and Ethan’s study sessions. Whenever you had plans with your friends, Ethan would come to your apartment to study with you before. With exams coming up, Ethan couldn’t stop thinking about how he needed to get over his nerves and finally make a move. He knew he’d still get to see you, but he wouldn’t have the excuse to spend alone time with you.

As Ethan sat on your bed, his fingers moving against his keyboard, you started to get bored. He kept peaking over his laptop screen to see you stretched out on your stomach at the foot of your bed, scrolling through your phone.

“That’s not homework,” he said, playfully scolding you as you sat up to look at him.

“If I have to keep looking at anything school related, I’m going to go crazy.”

“We still have over an hour before we have to go to Tara’s. What would you like to do?” He asked, closing his computer to give you his attention.

“We could watch a funny movie. I need to laugh,” you suggested, as he shook his head.

“We don’t have enough time for that…but,” he said, sitting his laptop on the bed beside him. “I know how to make you laugh.”

He smirked as he crawled closer to you. You knew what was coming, the slight look of panic in your eyes making him chuckle before his fingers dug into your sides.

“Ethan,” you whined, trying to grab at his hands to pull them off you. You were starting to tear up from laughing, and your breathing was getting heavier. “Stop it! You’re going to make me fall off the bed!”

“I’d never let that happen,” he said, his fingers not letting up.

“Seriously, Ethan!” You were starting to wheeze from laughing so hard, so he finally pulled his hands away. You placed one of your hands on your chest as you tried to take deep breaths, as Ethan settled back into the spot he was in before on your bed. “That was so mean.”

“I think it’s funny that you’ve never tried to get me back,” he said, a smug look on his face. “Is it because I’m stronger than you?”

“Knowing you, you’d have me pinned to the bed so I wouldn’t be able to move while you tickled me.”

Ethan got a little caught up in the idea of that. He wanted to have you pinned to the bed, but not to tickle you. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice you were moving closer to him, the only thing bringing him back into the moment was when your fingertips started to move against his sides.

“Hey!” he said through his laughter as he grabbed at your hands. You weren’t going to give up easily, so you moved to straddle him, pulling your hands away every time he reached for them. “Please, you gotta stop!”

“No,” you said, your hands moving further up his ribs, making him laugh even harder. He knew it wasn’t meant to be sexual, but the way your ass was rubbing against him as you moved was making him hard.

“Stop!” he yelled, finally grabbing your hands. Your face dropped as you looked at him, and he immediately felt guilty for yelling at you like that. “I’m sorry…you’re just,” he said, letting out a gasp once you started to move off him, your eyes going wide once you felt how hard he was underneath you. “That. You’re making me hard.”

“Oh,” you softly said, staring at the bulge in his jeans. “Is it a bad thing that I did?”

“No…I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he sighed, before he sat up. “Does it make you uncomfortable that you do that to me?”

He watched your cheeks turn pink at his question. This wasn’t how he planned on making his move, but the door was wide open for him to have the conversation.

“No,” you said, “have I made you hard before?”

“I get hard just thinking about you,” he confessed, the sexual tension in the room getting stronger as each second passed.

You were starting to get nervous as you sat there. You didn’t have the most experience in the world, your previous sexual encounters with your ex mainly consisted of you just laying there and waiting until he was done, so you didn’t know how to give a blow job. But you wanted to learn. You wanted Ethan to teach you.

“Can I…suck it?” you asked, his eyes growing wide. “Sorry, stupid question.”

“No, it’s not stupid…do you want me to tell you how to do it?” he asked, as you smiled and nodded. “Okay, uh, I’ll just get these off.”

He slid off the side of your bed and unbuttoned his jeans before shimmying them down his legs. You gawked as you saw the tent in his boxers, wondering if you were in over your head for even thinking you could do this.

“I hate to ask this…” no he didn’t. “But would you want to get on the floor? It’d be easier for you.” You nodded as you slid off the side of the bed and stood in front of him. “Wait,” he said, once you started to drop to your knees. You stood back up to face him, as he leaned in to kiss you. You needily kissed him back, your hands on his cheeks as he started to rub your hips. Once you pulled back, he smiled at you. “You don’t feel like you have to do this, right?”

“No, I want to do this,” you said, looking at him as you sank onto the floor.

“Fuck…eye contact like that is good,” he said, running his fingers through your hair. “I guess I’ll just slide these down.”

His fingers hooked under the waistband of his boxers as he slid them down his thighs, his cock springing free right in front of your face. He let out a sweet laugh once he noticed how wide your eyes got.

“Do I just put it in my mouth?” you asked, as he groaned at how innocent you were.

“Let’s start with just touching it,” he suggested, as you nodded and reached your hand up. “Wrap your hand around it…just like that, baby,” he said, taking a deep breath as he tried to contain himself. “Now move your hand back and forth, but not too fast.”

You did as he said, your eyes glancing between his and his cock. You weren’t sure if you were good at what you were doing, but he was breathing heavier the longer you did it.

“Do you want to try to put it in your mouth?” he asked, as you nodded and leaned forward. “How about you just do what you think is right and I’ll tell you if it’s bad or good?”

“Okay,” you shyly said, hoping that you would get it right.

Ethan’s biggest fantasy was coming to fruition. His head was spinning as you took the head of his cock in your mouth, your hand still stroking him. Even though you weren’t a virgin, he still felt like he was devirginizing you, at least in this way.

“That’s perfect,” he said, his eyes looking into yours as you sucked on his sensitive tip. “Try to take a little more.”

You did as he said, easing a little more of him into your mouth. His hand tangled in your hair, his grip loose. The last thing he wanted was to push you too far and make you want to stop when you’d just started. He was about to ask you for more, when you boldly took as much of him as you could in your mouth, to the point that you were gagging around him. You quickly pulled your head back, refusing to make eye contact like you’d just done something wrong.

“Hey,” Ethan said, his hand that was in your hair moved to your chin. He tilted your head so you’d look at him, your eyes already watery from the gagging. “If you want to keep going, there’s a little tip that helps with that.”

He showed you the thumb trick, and talked to you about bobbing your head too, along with moving your hand. Once you felt like you had a better understanding of what you needed to do, you leaned forward, taking just as much of him in your mouth as you did before.

You were still gagging a little, but not as bad as you did the first time. Your mouth kept getting more and more wet, the feeling making Ethan groan. His hand snaked back in your hair as he fought the urge to thrust in your mouth.

“You’re doing such a good job,” he praised, “Twist your hand a little…oh fuck.”

You were catching on quickly, and Ethan was so proud of you. Your eyes stayed on his, even when tears started to slip past your lower lash line. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, his grip on your hair tightening.

“Can I try something?” he asked, his eyes pleading with yours. You hummed around him to let him know he could, because the last thing you wanted to do was pull him out of your mouth.

He started to thrust past your lips as you gagged around him, your free hand gripping your thumb as hard as you could. Big, fat teardrops were flowing down your cheeks, but you were loving it. His eyes were fluttering as his jaw dropped open, but he still stayed focused on you, not wanting any of this to be too much.

“I’m gonna cum,” he said, his voice a little raspy from his panting. “Can I cum in your mouth?”

You hummed around him again to respond, the vibrations around his cock sending him over the edge as his hand tensed up in your hair, tugging on it harder than he wanted to. You just kept moaning around him, so turned on as his salty cum coated your tastebuds. He gave a few more weak thrusts as his hand in your hair relaxed before he slowly slid out of your mouth.

“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching down to take your hand. He helped you to your feet before wiping the tears off your cheeks.

“Yeah, I liked that,” you said, your voice raw from all the gagging. “Can we do it again?”

“We can do anything you want to,” he said, placing his hands on your hips to hold you close. “But right now, can I eat you out?”

“Oh, Um,” you mumbled, your cheeks getting rosy at the idea. “You want to do that?”

“I’m not your ex,” he said, smirking at you. “I bet he never made you cum.”

“He didn’t,” you sighed, as Ethan backed you towards the bed.

“I will,” he said, as he started to lift your shirt.

Ethan got you out of your jeans and shirt, leaving you in just your bra and panties. He hovered over you, his mouth moving against your neck as his hand roamed your body. You were squirming as you tried to patient, but it was getting harder for you, especially when his hand reached in between your thighs and rubbed you over your panties.

“So wet,” he mumbled against your neck, his breath giving you goosebumps. “I can’t wait to taste you.”

He pulled his hand away as he sat up, grabbing your hands for you to sit up, too. His hands reached around you to unhook your bra, his mouth not leaving your neck as he slid the straps down your arms and threw it to the other side of the room.

“We have to go to Tara’s soon,” you reminded him, as he pulled away and started to laugh.

“We’re probably going to be late.”

He leaned down, taking one of your nipples in his mouth. You started to whimper as he sucked, pulling off it with a soft pop before he moved to the other side.

Once his lips trailed further down your body, you were trying so hard to be in the moment, but your mind started to wander. You practically worshiped the ground Ethan walked on, and all he wanted in that moment was you, but you still didn’t know if this was going to anything more than a friends with benefits situation, or if he wanted to be with you like you wanted to be with him.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, pulling you from your thoughts as he started to kiss your inner thighs.

“Mmm, it’s nothing,” you moaned once he started to suck your flesh into his mouth.

He pulled away to look at you, “No, tell me.”

You sighed in frustration, both from him stopping and you really didn’t want to pour your heart out to him in that moment. But he just kept staring at you, waiting for you to say something.

“I’ve…fuck,” you sighed, taking a deep breath. “I want this…but I need to know how you feel about me.”

He smiled at you as your blush spread across your cheeks. “You haven’t realized that I’m in love with you yet?”

“In love with me?” you asked, as he slid your panties down your legs.

“Mhm, I’m fucking obsessed with you,” he said, before he buried his head between your thighs.

“Shit,” you gasped, as his tongue licked fat stripes from your entrance to your clit.

He started to focus on your clit, giving all the attention to your needy bundle of nerves. You looked down to see that he was watching you, taking in all the little faces you were making. He was alternating between swirling and lightly sucking, the stimulation making your entire body feel hot.

He slid one of his fingers inside of you, your legs feeling shaky as he moved it against the spot inside of you that you weren’t even sure existed. He watched you start to fall apart over just one finger, and once he added another one, you were a whimpering mess. He licked your clit a few more times before he pulled away to talk to you, his fingers still moving.

“You never told me how you feel about me,” he said, curving his fingers to apply more pressure.   

“Unfff, fuck,” you whined, your hands tightly gripping the comforter underneath you.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll stop,” he playfully said, smirking as his fingers brought you closer to the edge.

Your brain was turning to mush, but you pulled yourself together for a second, not wanting him to stop. “I’m in love with you, too.”

He leaned back down to your clit, sucking on it a little harder than he had before. Your whines got louder as the euphoric feeling washed over you, his free hand holding down your bucking hips. It felt so good that your eyes started to water, your entire body tingling as he worked you through it.

Just as you came down from your high, you heard a knock coming from your front door. You were too fucked out from Ethan’s fingers to even care, as he started to laugh.

“I bet that’s Tara,” he said, as he laid down beside you. “We’re late.”

“Fuck,” you groaned, lazily sliding your naked body off the side of your bed, landing on your feet.

You grabbed your robe and put it on, your legs still wobbly as you made your way to the front door. You looked out the peephole to see Tara and Mindy.

“Hey,” Tara said once you opened the door, her smile dropping once she noticed you weren’t dressed. “Are you still coming over?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon,” you said, noticing both of them staring at something. “What?”

“Is Ethan here?” Mindy asked, a smirk playing on her lips as she realized what was going on.

“Yeah, we’ll both be over in a few,” you said, still not understanding what they were looking at.

“Okay…you might want to cover that up before you come over,” Mindy said, gesturing to your neck as Tara started to giggle.

You bit your bottom lip as the embarrassment hit, realizing that Ethan sucking on your neck earlier must’ve left a hickey.

“No, you know what? You guys finish whatever ‘studying’ you’re doing, then come over. We’re sorry for interrupting,” Tara said, fighting off her laughter as she and Mindy walked down the hall to her apartment.

You sighed as you closed the door, knowing that you and Ethan were definitely going to be grilled once you did go to Tara’s.

“Why didn’t you tell me you put this on my neck?” you said, glancing at it in the mirror after you walked back in your room.

“Are you embarrassed that they know you’re mine?” he questioned, walking up behind you. He rested his head against your shoulder, but your mind was in a haze once you felt his hard cock pressing against you.

“You know how long I’ve wanted to be yours? I’m definitely not embarrassed,” you said, making him laugh as he moved your hair to the side the place more kisses to your neck.

“Well, I did hear them say we should finish studying,” he said, as his hand reached over to untie your robe. “I’m not done studying you yet.”

“Fuck,” you gasped, when his hand started to massage one of your breasts, gently pinching at your nipple. Your back leaned against his chest as you relaxed into his touches, your breathing getting heavier as his hand trailed lower. “Can I be on top?”

“For a little bit, yeah,” he mumbled against you as his fingers rubbed across your still-soaked pussy. “Is that okay?”

“Mhm.”

You had so many things you wanted to do with Ethan, so many things you hadn’t experienced yet. Any nerves you had about your inexperience faded, your confidence showing as you got on top to straddle him.

“Take your time, I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, as you grabbed his cock that was resting against his lower stomach. You lined him up with your entrance and started to sink down on him. “So tight,” he groaned, as you tried to get used to the stretched-out feeling. He wasn’t all the way in and you already felt so full.

“Mmm,” you moaned once you’d taken all of him, your ass meeting the top of his thighs.

You took a minute, trying to adjust your legs to the most comfortable position as his hands ran up your sides. Once you started to bounce on him, his hands went to your hips to help you move. Your bottom lip went in between your teeth as you held eye contact with him. Once he started to thrust up into you, your hands went to your breasts, massaging them as he helped your hips meet his.

He loved having you on top, and he loved watching the way your tits bounced, but he needed to be in control. He needed to push your limits a little until you were falling apart underneath him. He held your hips in place a few seconds before he flipped you over, a squeal flying out of your mouth. He smirked down at you before he grabbed the back of your thighs, pushing them toward you with his hands.

“Stop me if anything hurts, okay?” he said, as you smiled and nodded. He slid back inside of you, his hands right below the back of your knees as he started to pound into you.

Your mouth fell open as he fucked you, every sound that built up in your throat flying out. He was so deep, but the tip of his cock hit your g-spot with every thrust.

“That feel good?” he asked, pushing your legs closer to you. You babbled in response, the new angle making him go even deeper. “Look at you, so cock drunk, so perfect.”

All you could do was whimper as you felt yourself getting close. You were fighting to keep your fluttering eyes open, because you didn’t want to miss a single second of watching him. The beautiful boy that you’d fallen so hard for had a thin layer of sweat on his forehead that his curls were starting to stick to, his bottom lip was in between his teeth. You felt so submissive as you just laid there and took it. You were okay with him using you in whatever way he wanted, because you’d do anything for him.

“You gonna cum, baby?” he asked, as he felt your walls start to flutter.

“Yes!” you cried out, your hands shakily gripping the comforter again as the wave crashed into you so hard your vision got fuzzy. You kept trying to talk as he fucked you through it, his teeth showing as he smiled at your babbles.

“I’m almost there, baby. Can you take it a little longer?” he asked as your eyes peeled open to look at him.

“Yes, it feels so good,” you moaned, as he sped up, chasing his orgasm.

Your body kept jolting like little aftershocks from the intensity of your own orgasm, and you were feeling a little overstimulated, but the last thing you wanted was for him to stop. He was going so fast and so deep as he panted, mumbling your name as his head started to roll back.

“Gonna…fuck. Cum,” he said, pulling his cock out and shooting his release all over your tummy. He caught his breath as he looked at you through his hooded eyes. You smiled at him as he moved to lay on the bed beside you.

“I think we need to shower,” you said, glancing down at his cum on you. “I don’t really have anything that has a manly scent, though.”

“That’s okay. I’ll get to smell like you,” he said, his fingertips brushing against your arm.

After your shower with Ethan, you concealed the giant purple mark on your neck and took the walk of shame over to Tara’s. Your friends got quiet as you walked in, glancing back and forth between you and Ethan.

“Sooo,” Chad said, noticing Ethan’s wet hair, “Did you two finally realize that you’re meant to be together?”

“Oh yeah,” Ethan said, as Chad walked over to dap him up.

“It’s about time. It was getting exhausting to watch the two of you,” Mindy said, as Tara nodded in agreement.

You, Ethan and Chad walked over to sit on the couch as Mindy pushed play on the movie she was waiting to start until you got there. After a few minutes, Chad looked over to Ethan.

“Dude, this is a little blunt, but you smell so good right now.”

You started to giggle as Ethan laughed and wrapped his arm around you, holding you close.

“He’s right, you do smell good.”

[auren-zagarra]

Can I request Lilia for your analysis?? I'm very curious what his would be about, but only if you want to and if you have time. 💕🙏💚

Lilia Vanrouge: A Psychological Analysis

Disclaimer: Although this post is written by a professional psychologist, it is not intended to serve as a formal diagnosis. Rather, it is a character analysis of Lilia Vanrouge, created out of personal interest and passion for world-building. In psychological practice, accurate assessment should never be based solely on external observation.

Lilia Vanrouge serves as the Vice Housewarden of Diasomnia at Night Raven College, where he oversees Malleus Draconia under the housewarden. He is described as youthful in appearance but exceptionally wise and Lilia’s personality is portrayed as easygoing, friendly, and playful: he teases students by hiding upside-down or joking with them. At the same time, his words carry experience: he often gives advice to others and speaks with the tone of someone who has lived much longer than he looks. Lilia smoothly combines the roles of mentor and trickster - he will gently joke around one moment and then switch to a stern, no-nonsense attitude the next, as illustrated when he rebukes Leona Kingscholar during the Interdorm Spelldrive Tournament. Overall, he functions narratively as a wise adviser and paternal figure, providing guidance and support to the Diasomnia students (especially Silver and Sebek) while also lightening the mood with humor.

Personality Analysis

When viewed through established personality frameworks, Lilia displays a distinctive blend of traits. By the Big Five (Five-Factor) model, he would score high on Extraversion (sociable, energetic) and Agreeableness (kind, cooperative). For example, he is almost always cheerful and outgoing with classmates - he enjoys social banter, often greets people warmly, and even calls students “dear” - reflecting sociability and friendly cooperation. His care for others suggests high agreeableness: Lilia genuinely supports and nurtures those around him (e.g. raising Silver and teaching Sebek), and he is generally considerate. He also appears high in Openness to Experience: he has a creative and playful imagination and he encourages new experiences (as when he coaxed Malleus out of Briar Valley to attend Night Raven College). His Conscientiousness seems high as well: Lilia was a decorated royal guard who earned medals and the queen’s trust through disciplined duty and he dutifully cares for those he’s responsible for. Finally, Lilia shows low Neuroticism (emotional stability): he rarely panics or broods publicly; even under stress he remains calm and constructive. For instance, when Silver runs into a crisis as a child, Lilia finds him and nurses him gently back to health rather than displaying anxiety. In sum, Lilia would likely score high on the positive Big Five traits (extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness) and low on neuroticism.

Most people who apply the MBTI system to Lilia guess ENTP or ENFP because he is witty, energetic, and values creative interaction. His behavior fits the archetype of the extroverted intuitive type: he loves engaging dialogue, cracks jokes to make points, and often drives events with clever problem-solving. He alternates between lightheartedness and sudden insight, suggesting the “quick-thinking trickster” persona often associated with ENTP. A Jungian perspective adds nuance: Lilia embodies the Trickster and Mentor archetypes. On one hand, he plays the role of trickster/fool – using humor and mischief to connect with others (e.g. pranking Sebek) and to diffuse tense situations. On the other hand, he frequently takes on the wise old man or father figure archetype: he provides guidance, protection, and wisdom to Silver and Sebek. Indeed, Lilia literally becomes a father to Silver and a guardian to Malleus, which echoes the archetypal caregiver. In this way, he balances the childlike joy of the trickster with the profound insight of a mentor, combining Jungian archetypes to enrich his character.

Coping Mechanisms and Behavior

Lilia’s behavior under stress suggests adaptive coping. The psychological literature distinguishes active (problem-focused) coping from avoidant (emotion-focused) coping, and evidence from canon suggests Lilia usually opts for active, problem-solving strategies. For example, when Silver becomes distraught upon learning Lilia is not his biological father, Silver runs away crying. Lilia actively seeks him out and comforts him: he finds Silver in the rain, brings him home, and nurses him back to health, never leaving his side. This is a classic example of confronting the problem: recognizing Silver’s emotional need and directly addressing it through care and support (an emotion-focused but still engaged coping style). Lilia does not punish or ignore Silver’s feelings; instead he shows empathy and resolves the issue.

Moreover, Lilia frequently uses humor as a coping strategy. In Freudian terms, humor is a recognized defense mechanism that helps decrease or combat the negative emotions associated with a situation by making it funny. Lilia’s penchant for jokes and pranks can defuse tension and bring levity. This suggests he may be using humor to cope with stress or to make difficult conversations easier. Importantly, Lilia’s humor is not cruel; even his teasing is gentle, which aligns with adaptive use of humor to strengthen social bonds rather than to belittle.

His behavior in conflict situations also points to disciplined coping. As a former royal guard who “repeatedly threw himself to the flames of war”, Lilia would have learned to confront danger directly. In the school context, when discipline is needed, he does not hesitate to be strict (like Leona’s exemple mentioned before). This indicates that, under challenge, he can switch from playful to authoritative, enforcing rules with sternness. In other words, he adapts his coping style to the situation: playful most of the time, but firm when needed.

There is little evidence that Lilia resorts to maladaptive or avoidant coping (like withdrawing or lashing out). Except for a recent storyline hint (Book 7) that he plans to step away from his duties, Lilia generally stays engaged with those who depend on him. Even when struggling internally (for instance, possibly grappling with his own age and mortality), he tends to channel those feelings into caring for others and preparing them for the future. Overall, Lilia appears to manage stress through a combination of emotion-focused coping (comforting and humor) and problem-focused coping (taking action to help others). He rarely shows signs of panic or despair, suggesting he has effective coping mechanisms and a resilient outlook.

Background Influences

Lilia’s psychology is deeply shaped by his unique background. First and foremost, he is a fae (fairy) of Briar Valley, which explains his extraordinary longevity and this long lifespan means Lilia likely has a very different perspective on time and relationships than mortal students. In Twisted Wonderland lore, some bat fae even face social prejudice (or nocturnal faes in general), which might have given Lilia a sense of resilience in facing bias, which explains a bit more why he was so ruthless during war. Overall, Lilia’s fae origin likely contributes to his calm, patient demeanor; think about us, maturing as we grow older… that’s the same case as Lilia.

Equally important is his military past. Psychologically, wartime service can instill a strong sense of duty and self-control (traits Lilia clearly exhibits) but it can also leave emotional scars (though Lilia does not openly show trauma). His ability to remain composed and focused likely stems from years of facing life-or-death situations. For example, his calm under pressure (helping Silver) and willingness to jump into the fray (military bravery) are consistent with someone who learned to cope with extreme stress. Freudian theory might say his superego was heavily shaped by Queen Maleanor’s values: his loyalty and courage indicate a strong internal moral code. At the same time, having “earned the queen’s trust”  suggests he was respected by authority, perhaps reinforcing his respect for rules and hierarchy. In short, Lilia’s veteran status likely contributes to his gravitas and selflessness: he is not a carefree prankster but someone who has paid his dues for the sake of others.

Finally, Lilia’s paternal and mentor roles profoundly influence his interpersonal style. The canon explicitly describes how he adopted Silver as a child and raised him like a son. Silver grows up believing Lilia is his father until the truth emerges, and when Silver learns he is adopted, Lilia comforts him and nursery sickness away, demonstrating loving care. This father-son bond transforms Silver’s concept of family: Silver ultimately “considers himself Lilia’s son regardless of blood”. Thus, Lilia’s role as a real parent figure to Silver has likely made him highly empathetic and protective of children (even those not his by blood). Similarly, Lilia trained Sebek Zigvolt from a young age and served as a guardian to Malleus. In the story, Lilia even entrusts the teenage Malleus to babysit baby Silver, showing that Lilia confides responsibility to those he trusts. Both Sebek and Malleus regard Lilia with great respect: Sebek calls him “Master Lilia” and becomes polite and deferential around him, while Malleus views Lilia as a supportive figure who brought him out of isolation. Altogether, these roles suggest that Lilia’s identity is intertwined with caring for others. He values family (chosen or adopted) and duty to others above his own comfort. Psychologically, being the caregiver to a Silver and to Malleus (a prince/dragon) likely reinforces in Lilia a stable, secure attachment orientation: he invests emotionally in these bonds and finds purpose in sustaining them.

Lilia’s relationship with Malleus is more complex. In one sense, Malleus is the superior (Lilia is vice to Malleus’s dorm warden), but Lilia served as Malleus’s only companion from before hatching. Because Lilia safeguarded Malleus’s egg and interacted with him as an almost paternal surrogate, Malleus grew extremely attached. Canon notes that Malleus is “driven by his fear of losing Lilia, the person closest to him”, underscoring their deep bond. Socially, Lilia treats Malleus with gentle deference and understanding, respecting Malleus’s position while also caring for his emotional needs. The dynamic is one of mutual respect: Lilia acts as a mentor/confidant to Malleus, and Malleus clearly values Lilia’s guidance and friendship.

In terms of attachment style, Lilia himself appears to have a secure style: he forms strong, stable bonds (with Silver and Malleus), does not cling anxiously, and can give space when needed. For instance, he raised Silver to adulthood and permitted Silver’s independence, and he respects Malleus’s authority. Lilia does not seem to fear intimacy or reject closeness; on the contrary, he deeply embraces these relationships (as seen when he plans for Silver’s and Malleus’s futures). Nor does he display an avoidant or dismissive attitude toward others - he actively engages with people. One might even say Lilia exhibits a mature, generative style of relating: he focuses on guiding the next generation (Silver, Sebek, others) and upholding responsibilities.

Possible Diagnosis (Speculative)

Lilia does not display clear symptoms of any psychological disorder under the DSM-5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition). He is consistently sober-minded and caring, without extreme mood swings, paranoia, or detachment. However, for completeness, one can speculate on traits or mild issues that might arise.

Firstly, given his war history, some might wonder about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Soldiers might exhibit PTSD, yet, Lilia shows no overt signs: he does not brood, flashback, or seem constantly on edge. In fact, he handles stress well and retains empathy. Thus if he had any combat trauma, it seems to have been resolved or sublimated into positive action (consistent with the concept of post-traumatic growth rather than pathology).

Another consideration is adjustment to aging or mortality. Lilia ages very slowly; however, the story says he is losing some magical power with time. His decision (in Book 7) to leave the academy and settle could reflect anxiety about his diminishing abilities and mortality. In human terms, this might look like an adjustment disorder due to career/family transition - but the evidence is purely contextual. He makes this choice logically, thinking it through, rather than acting out impulsively or in panic. In other words, it seems more like a rational life decision than a symptom of mental illness.

Lilia’s personality traits also do not align with major disorder criteria. He is not egocentric or manipulative, so no narcissistic or antisocial features are apparent. He is not suggestible or submissive in unhealthy ways (his commands are respected, but he respects others too). He does not withdraw from social contact outside normal duties, so he is not avoidant or schizoid. If anything, one might label him as having an optimistic or even hyperthymic temperament – he is lively, talkative, and tends to exaggerate positivity (e.g. his upbeat encouragement in dire situations). But hyperthymia is not a DSM disorder, just a temperament.

In summary, Lilia Vanrouge appears psychologically well-adjusted. He has a wide social support network (Silver, Malleus, Sebek, etc.), fulfills meaningful roles, and shows no chronic impairment. If any “condition” were to be hypothesized, it might be a normal-range anxiety about the well-being of his children or a mild grief about leaving them – but these would likely fall well below the threshold of a diagnosable disorder in DSM terms.

Summary of Possible Diagnosis

1. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Reasoning: Lilia is a veteran of multiple wars and has "thrown himself into the flames of war" repeatedly, long-term combat exposure may result in emotional detachment, hyper-vigilance or nightmares, his cheery demeanor could be a coping mechanism masking deeper scars.Note: If he had PTSD it would be mil, well-managed and manifested privately.

2. Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder

Reasoning: As an ancient fae who has lived for centuries, he may experience feelings of detachment from time, identity, or reality.

Notes (a copy paste from a previous post I made):

In my point of view, Lilia’s playfulness and interest in games don’t read as trauma-masking behaviors. They feel more like a genuine celebration of life. He’s not avoidant, but adaptive. While it’s valid to explore potential coping mechanisms, it seems far more accurate to view him as someone who chooses joy, even after all he’s endured. Games, in this light, are just one small way he continues to embrace and engage with a world in flux. Think as someone who only saw pain/war and finally is able to enjoy life however he can.

Regarding the reveal of who Silver is related to, I’d argue that Lilia’s reaction is entirely understandable. Imagine raising a child for 17 years, only to discover he’s connected to someone who once tried to invade your homeland and subjugate your people. It’s not about holding a grudge or being unable to let go of the past: it’s about remembering. About honoring history and what it meant.

If I were to draw a comparison (not equating, but simply illustrating) it’s similar to the deep-seated historical tensions and generational trauma many South Americans, Africans, and Asians carry in relation to European and North American colonial histories. The feelings are rooted in real experiences and memory.

Even if Lilia doesn’t show overt signs of PTSD in canon, the traumas he’s lived through still shape his emotional processing. The absence of symptoms doesn’t erase the depth of what he’s endured.

[fumifooms]

Benichidori is jirai kei

Benichidori's modern look is very iconic to the japanese alt fashion movement jirai kei! The archetype associated with it even fits her in interesting ways. Here's what and why

(The untranslated top part reads something like: "If their world was our modern world, Benichidori would have worn contacts and drawn tear troughs.)

The two most damning features are her very distinct makeup and pink & black hair combo! Incredibly iconic. The iconic jirai kei has a very specific look, being dressed in pink and black or some white, with casual chic type blouse and skirt, but the "subcul jirai", a somewhat debatable semantic, is used for the look of jirai kei that has become more neglected in its wider image with time, for example very commonly seen wearing a huge loose shirt like a dress. Baggy & loose, primarily dark with pastel embellishments is a way to sum it up. Something dark with an edge of innocent.

I'm gonna be quoting the aesthetics wiki because I think they put it better than I could. I also recommend the japanese fashion wiki for more info and visuals— Here I tried to pick references that are more subcul and less front and center, but for example Benichidori's exact hairstyle is common if you look around. "地雷系 is a subculture originating from Japan that is heavily based on the teens hanging out in the night life of Kabukichō (a red light district). During the height of its popularity it highly resembled Japanese Girly fashion, especially dark girly, but has since moved on to integrate a broader variety of styles. The stereotype behind this subculture is that cute, hyperfeminine young women who dress in darker fashion styles have personalities that do not match their appearance. Rather than being sweet and demure, they are said to be violent and obsessive (like a Yandere), and-"

I'll spare the gritty, more sensitive details, but yes the reputation of this style is based on very stigmatized negative assumptions of its wearers being emotionally unstable, with mood swings. Jirai in the first place means landmine, so the name associated to the fashion being "landmine" gives you an idea of the stereotypes associated with those who wear it, it's the same idea as with calling someone a ticking time bomb.

Which brings us to our girl! Very quiet yes, very demure, looks pretty and does her job in elegance and silence. Until…

Mood swings is right! For Benichidori analyses I have other posts, but it's clear Benichidori has her sensitive spots and anxiety spikes that can get her to lash out- canonically stated dysmorphia, black on white text on her profile, in fact.

So yes lots of dark and problematic roots with this movement, both in actual events surrounding it and the way they are treated for it. Needing money for a host addiction (Host clubs- Usually predatory industry where people grow an attachment to the escort they buy time with/for. I recommend the oneshot Kamiya by Tsubasa Yamaguchi that depicts this), gang affiliations, trafficking... And well, Benichidori does have experience with one of these.

But yeahh! I want people to draw more of modern Beni, basically. Love her. Give her attention. This could even be used as ship fodder. Hienbeni Benichidori yandere confirmed. Did you know? Modern Rin is goth/dark girly, according to her summer sketchpage look <3 I love thinking of them hanging out, rinbeni real. The ninja trio girlies all trying out alt fashion together and aaa 💕

I found so many clips of people all telling the story of how jirai kei is not so secretly messed up and yada yada when I first looked into the subculture, but it is good to know that jirai kei/dark girly clothing is being worn a lot by people not part of its culture as well, apparently! It's becoming more mainstream, so to speak. Still, in my heart Beni remains my landmine girl……… 🫶

[joeyalohadream]

💕☀️Joey's Masters of the Air Fanfiction Recommendations - Part 1 ☀️💕

Being part of a fandom that is small, yet so incredibly talented has been such a breath of fresh air for me. My reading list has been a mile long (and growing every day!) for far too long and I've recently been making more time for myself to simply read. And I wanted to take some time to shout out some of the wonderful stories and authors that I've really enjoyed lately.

All of these recommendations are Clegan stories because that is what I personally most enjoy reading. But there are other blogs and talented authors out there that write for all sorts of pairs in the fandom that I encourage people to engage with!

Adding a cut because it’s a looong post!

☀️ The Bucks in a Boat by magic_glow (not sure if the author has a tumblr!)

Explicit, Post-War, Falling in Love, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort

This is an AU based on the movie The Boys in the Boat (starring our lovely Callum). The plot follows John returning home from the war, where he still served as a B17 bomber pilot. But he enrolls in school and times are tough, so much like in the film, he tries out for the rowing team for the free room and board. Where he meets, and immediately forms a strong bond with, Gale Cleven. The author manages to keep the characterizations true, while still making them their own. They manage to incorporate almost every Mota character in a meaningful way and I especially love the sweet friendship between John and Brady in this one. It deals with the trauma of War and life and also displays a beautiful sense of camaraderie as they form as a team and learn to lean on one another. It’s wonderfully written and the world building is phenomenal. The pace is perfect and the story is compelling and John and Gale’s connection is explored with care. This is my current ‘comfort fic’ and I look forward to reading how it all develops. (And the title is so cute!)

☀️ He may be the Reason by c_goldthorn (@c-goldthorn)

Explicit, Mutual Pining, Romantic Comedy

This a modern au based on the movie Notting Hill and I recommend this one, whether or not you've seen the movie! As someone who has never seen the movie, this fic is my first experience with the plot and I'm loving every minute of it. The author infuses humor and care and love into her stories and you'll fall in love with all of the characters in this one. It's romantic and sweet and angsty and the longing is palpable. I am always patiently waiting for me. (And she has a couple of side stories in the universe posted as well that are very sweet!)

☀️ one way, or another by hart (@blixabargelds)

Explicit, Kidnapping, Strangers to Lovers, Getting Together

Okay, so literally everything that she writes is fantastic. No one quite hurts Gale like she does (lol) and it's done with care and reason and it's beautiful to read. This story though, it's hard to find words to describe it. It's a modern au where Gale orchestrates his own kidnapping (for reasons) and John is the kidnapper. A truly unique plot that is executed so perfectly that I read it twice in one weekend. It's angsty, especially as Gale's circumstances seem to get more and more bleak, yet there is this light, romantic air to it throughout because of the dynamic the author creates between John and Gale. It's FUN. And reading should be fun. It's truly a masterpiece and you'll be hooked from the first paragraph.

☀️ before you say 'cut', wait five more seconds by phlegmatic (@irregularcollapse)

Explicit, Actors AU, Workplace Relationship, Sharing a Bed

She is one of those gold standard creators in my opinion. Not just in the Mota fandom, but just in general. The way she tells a story is captivating and you get the sense that every word written is there for a specific reason. The care she puts into the craft is evident and appreciated and while I’m too shy to have ever really interacted with her, I’m such a huge fan. I could rave endlessly about her work, but onto the specific story I’m recommending! This story follows Gale, an up and coming actor that gets his 'big break' when he's cast as one of the leads in a big movie. He's starring alongside John, who is already an very established name in the industry. They fall into bed (and never really leave for long) and along the way, start to fall for each other. It is clear that this universe the author created means a lot to them. It is so authentic and focused on acting as a craft, as an artform and I learned a lot about the industry from reading this. The turmoil, buzzing under the surface, that Gale feels about his career and his future is so palpable and so vivid, I felt the anxiety along with him. Her version of John in this story is one of my favorites. He's sweet and raw and brash and caring. I really could gush forever about this one. The characterization is so impressive, they're them, but they're also hers and they're layered and real and beautiful. Honestly, just go read it. You'll understand why I rambled and still couldn't manage to say anything eloquent.

☀️ Packages and Pet Names by youllneverrecme (@recmeidareya)

Modern Setting, First Meetings, First Dates, PTSD

Any pet name you could possibly imagine John using for Gale, this author has already thought of them (and more!). In this one, Gale is a war veteran and John is his local UPS driver. I went into this one thinking it would be a silly, funny, sexy story (and it is!), but it also so much more than that. It's tender. And it's sweet and it's gentle. The way this author writes Gale is beautiful. He feels so real to me. The care and thoughtfulness that clearly went into his background as a Soldier is very important to me. And watching him open himself to new things, to John and to love? It's been a wonderful journey to be on. And John in this? Absolutely amazing. He's funny and sharp and soft and he cares about Gale so much. I am genuinely enjoying watching them fall in love in this and I can't wait to read more. Every one should be reading this.

☀️ just stay with me (baby stay with me) by bcoflove (@bcolfanfic)

Teen+, Modern Setting, NYC, First Kiss

This story is so sugary sweet. The author has created a 'Cornerstore AU', on tumblr and posted a fic on AO3 on Super Bowl Sunday and I'm a little obsessed. Gale moved to NYC and ended up in bad living situation. But he finds solace in visiting a corner store where John works. I'm in love with this version of Gale. He's unsure of himself and he's awkward and he's so sweet. And John is a force of nature. Funny and kind and in Gale's corner. I hope the author is inspired to write more for this au, because I'd read a 100,000 words of this.

☀️ Driving In Your Car (I've Never Felt Safer) by Thetrystingtree (@alienoresimagines)

GA, Mutual Pining, Boys in Love, Fluff

One of my favorite things about this authors writing is that it always feels a bit like I’m reading poetry when I read her stories. There’s a lightness, a beauty to the way she weaves words together. It’s vivid and authentic and I can clearly picture the settings and feel the emotions in her stories. This story in particular is such a sweet premise. Gale is tired and John drives him around base in the jeep to allow him to rest a bit. The other night, I was lying in bed and I wanted something calming and gentle to read before I fell asleep. So I went to this authors page and found this story to reread because I knew her words were what I was looking for in that moment. It's sweet and funny and, just like all of her stories, always the perfect bedtime story.

☀️ I Won't Go Where You Can't Follow by stars_remain2 (@stars-remain2)

Teen+, Whump, Violence, Protective John

If you know me, you know I have a weak spot for Gale whump and John being protective and this story has both in SPADES. It is a canon-divergence, looking a what if? scenario where Gale doesn't go over the wall and is punished for his escape attempt. He's beaten while John is forced to watch and it's brutal and painful, but so well written and so beautifully explored. The way the guys rally around Gale to help him get through the march, the way John cares for him, the way Gale is so self-sacrificing...it's all woven together into a fantastic story. The cliffhangers are killing me, but I'm hanging on because it's too good to stop. And I just know some supreme comfort is coming after all of the hurt.

☀️ Looking for Eight by VoluptuosPanic (@weimarweekly)

Explicit, Modern Setting, Rodeo AU, Repressed Feelings, Love

I'll embarrass myself if I go on to much about this fic because it brings me such joy. John is bronc rider and Gale is farrier. In this modern au, they met and spent a few days together on a road trip, years ago and then they reconnect at a rodeo. This story is so calming and so gentle and so tender it will melt you into goo. The authors style is so unique and beautiful. Her words flow together in a way that honestly reminds me of water running over river rocks in a stream. I swear I have a dopey smile on my face while I read each chapter (and then reread it). This fic is breathtaking and wonderful and just one of my favorites I've ever read. I've never read a sweeter version of Gale and John. They're so tender with each other I could melt into goo just thinking about them. Read it!

☀️ cicada season by Swify_Fox (@swifty-fox)

Explicit, Modern Setting, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Therapy

Oh, Swifty. A fandom staple and a masterclass talent. This fic is no exception. A modern au where Gale is a Phd student, working on an intense thesis breeding a rare breed of frogs and John is a contractor, hired to remodel the house Gale lives in with Crank and Marge. The research that went into this is evident and impressive and makes the story that much more compelling. Gale is practically made of barbed wire in this (for good reasons I dread to learn) and he's so three-dimensional. Each chapter begins with a therapy session for Gale as he works through trauma from his childhood. It's such a well crafted story in every aspect. John and Gale's dynamic is so fun and contentious and full of potential for something more. I'm in love with this one. You can feel the care that went into this one and every word you read means something special. Rachel's mind is truly a marvel and you are missing out if you haven't given this one a go yet.

This was fun! There is so much talent in this fandom and I have been having such a good time reading. As I was making this, I kept thinking of more and more, so I'm sure I'll be making another one of these at some point. 💕

For now though, I'm taking a little break from Tumblr. I'll still be writing and reading and posting on AO3, but I need some time off from social media for personal reasons.

Just wanted to spread some love before I disappear for a little while ❤️